The Forgotten Keepsake
by siwa33
Summary: The story of what happened to Guy of Gisborne after being jilted at the Altar... and a long time before...
1. Chapter 1

Notes:

(Runs parallel to events of Series 2 up until Episode 11 - Treasure of the Nation.)

Disclaimer: all BBC Robin Hood characters and the show are the property of the BBC and Tiger Aspect Productions.

Hey, I just want to say a big thank you to everybody who took the time to read and show their appreciation for my story, I can't tell you how great it is to receive feedback - it really lifts me up you know?

Helps me keep going with my writing.

Cheers

* * *

I

Sir Guy of Gisborne had to admit that this was a low point even for him.  
He was no stranger to feeling low; in fact working for the Sheriff provided him with no shortage of things to be brought low about but this, well, this misery was acute – affecting him as it did on so many levels.  
Jilted at the Altar.  
Punched in the face.  
Left standing there in front of the congregation, wincing in pain, smarting at the humiliation, as she rode off into the sunset with Robin Hood.

Christ, it was enough to drive a man to drink. Except that, he had been there, done that and wrecked his room in the process. Now he was in the 'sit amongst the ruins of it all whilst picking at the scabs of your wounded pride' phase.  
He was not a good man and he knew it. No, he was not the man Marian wanted him to be.  
At some point in his life, he had overstepped a line. Then another. And another. But at the mercy of men who didn't give a second thought to lines there had been no other way. And what of King Richard and Robin Hood? Did they care about the lines they had crossed whilst slaughtering Saracens in the Holy Land?

And now Marian was in the forest. With Hood. Repaying him in kind for 'rescuing her'.  
He could hardly bear it.  
But what to do?

He sat on the floor of his destroyed room brooding and had been doing this for quite some time when he heard Vaisey yelling at someone in the corridor. He was about to rouse himself to see what was going on when he noticed something glittering under his bed. He glanced nervously towards the door, wondering if the Sheriff was about to barge in on him at any moment but upon hearing no further commotion, gave a sigh of relief and craned his neck to discern what the object could be. He scrambled over towards the bed, hastily shifting the debris of various broken possessions to one side, and after grasping wildly for a brief spell pulled it up to the light to get a better look at it.  
He recognised instantly what it was - his mother's old hairclip. His lips creased into a wan smile as he turned it over in his fingers.  
 _Ah Gisborne, what would she had made of all this?_  
It was a bad state of affairs and no mistake. Certainly not a wedding to make a mother proud – it was better she had not lived to see it. Indeed, there was not much in his life these days that would have made either of his parents proud, he thought bitterly.  
He gently placed the clip upon the nightstand along with other items sacred to him; not even his keepsake box had been spared from his destructive temper this time, he realised sighing dejectedly. Perhaps he could somehow reattach the lid to it… He fiddled with it briefly to see if it was fixable but quickly gave up and sank back down upon the floor in a frustrated huff. It was then he felt something dig hard into his buttock. He leapt up with a yelp and cursing in a very un-knightly fashion looked to see what he had sat on.  
It was a stone.  
A pebble.  
Bloody hell it hadn't felt like a pebble though! He looked at it for a split second before throwing it across the room in a fit of temper.  
 _Wait a minute…_  
 _A stone? What…? What are stones doing on his floor? Those bloody servants… Can't a man get decent help to do the cleaning these days…?_  
He frowned and looked at the chaos around him and then remembered that he hadn't let anyone in to clean these last few days. In fact, he hadn't let anyone in at all – preferring to stew in his misery and self-destructive carnage. So who had traipsed stones in? He looked to see if there were more lying around but no, just the one it seemed.  
 _Wait…_  
 _Could it be…?_  
He rushed over in the direction he had thrown it and after a brief search found it lying near the chest of drawers. He picked it up and turned it over in his fingers.  
 _Yes.  
Yes, little stone – I remember you._


	2. Chapter 2

II  
She had been little more than a waif. A skinny bundle of rags. Messy dirty blond hair and a filthy stuffed toy tucked under one arm.  
Guy suspected that the toy was one of the very few things the poor wretch had owned.  
That and the pebble of course.  
Must have been what? Eight or nine summers old maybe?  
And those eyes…  
…big puppy dog eyes looking up at him beneath long lashes… vivid green irises with a shock of brown around the pupils… intense staring eyes, full of wonder and adoration.  
 _Mina._  
 _Where are you now little one?_  
Yes, she had been sweet on him – no doubt about that – she had followed him round the village whenever he had been there, at first shyly running away upon him noticing her but then later on plucking up enough courage to speak, to introduce herself, to ask him questions.  
Her voice had been timid – barely a squeak:  
"Are you a Knight then?"  
He smiled thinking of it.  
In the beginning, he had been embarrassed by her attentions, scowling whenever others teased him about it. But at some point, she had grown on him and he was surprised to find himself actually hoping to see her whenever he had dealings in her village.  
The scamp.  
She had wormed his way into his heart somehow.  
Not that he would ever admit it.  
He had been a shy boy. Barely a man at the time. A gangly teenager hiding behind a long fringe of dark hair. Everything was awkward at that age wasn't it? Just like his interactions with her – so awkward but somehow so sweet.  
He closed his eyes and thought of her, memories he had buried away somewhere in a corner of his mind became now so clear… She had once reached out to slip her hand in his and at first, he had let her but then she pulled away upon noticing his discomfort. It hadn't been anything serious – she had only been a child; not old enough to know of anything more than her innocence would allow but one thing was certain; she had adored him.


	3. Chapter 3

III

Guy sat shaking his head wondering at himself. It seemed that every time he thought that he had a fair idea of who he was and what he was about, he would go and surprise himself by doing the strangest things. Like keeping pebbles, children gave him. And walking round with the bloody thing in his pocket all day. "There's no hope for you, you know…," he whispered to himself, the comment sounding very much like something that Vaisey would say.

He lay upon his bed looking at it; it was not at in any way remarkable, just like any other pebble he had seen on a beach – pale blue and grey, smooth, rolled good between his fingers. It occurred to him at that moment that perhaps she had never seen such a stone before and that is why she had treasured it…

 _Did someone take you to the beach little one?_

As much as he liked the idea, an image forming in his mind of her giggling as she ran away from waves crashing on the beach, little fingers curled tightly around the pebble that had caught her eye, he didn't think that it could have been that way. No, she had probably never been to the coast; she had, like most of her fellow villagers, probably never been much further than her own village. Perhaps it had been a gift then - like that stuffed toy he had never seen her without, most likely from her mother or father - delivered into in her tiny palm accompanied by a small kiss upon her head.

 _Good lord Gisborne, when did you become such a sentimental old fool?_

 _Why are you even thinking about this…?_

He knew why.

As much as he chided himself, as much as he told himself to stop, to throw the stupid thing away, to get it together and get on with more important things, he couldn't.

He wanted to think of it.

He wanted to remember.

Because it took his mind off Marian. And Hood.

Because it took him back.

Back to a time in his life, he had long endeavoured not to think about – his youth and young manhood. And back to the only person who had loved him at that time.

He had been in Vaisey's service about a year back then – it had been a brutal awakening – a fist in the face on top of all else that had destroyed his childhood and his life as he had known it.

Both parents dead… the Gisborne lands seized… both children shunned… the trip to France… the bowing and scraping to his mother's family and the doors slammed in their faces there… Vaisey's offer of a way out… Isabella sold off… Vaisey taking him apart piece by piece physically and mentally… and then… those early days of service… building up am impenetrable armour against the pain, the humiliation, the disgust… doing whatever was necessary to survive… doing his Master's bidding.

No matter what the cost.

No matter what the deed.

No matter that, it all left the most disgusting taste in his mouth and he felt dead inside to anything that resembled joy, or happiness, or love.

That was his journey into manhood. Those early days of being tested by Vaisey. And tasks like razing villages to the ground were a part of that. So he did what he had to do.

He set her village aflame, burning it all to ash. And with it her home.

He would never forget the shock and confusion on her face, her beautiful eyes wide, tears spilling down her cheeks…

 _God, I'm so sorry little one…_

She had looked on as her whole world collapsed before her – her noble Knight was burning houses to the ground – she would not love him now would she? He had walked over to her as if sleepwalking and she had just stood there unmoving, her face a mask of fear

"Guy?"

The tone of her voice had been heart breaking, so scared, so sad…

"Run away! Go! Now! Fast as you can!"

Then her face had crumpled.

"Mina… Mina please… you must" his voice had been softer then, the voice of a scared little boy trying to plead with a scared little girl.

And still she had stood there sobbing, heartbreak written all over her face.

He had thought she would hate him – God knows she had every reason to… but she didn't… of the myriad of emotions he could see in her eyes, hatred was not one of them.

It was then that she did something he had not expected.

She hugged him.

He could remember feeling her launch into him – so small! Her arms clumsily wrapping around his waist, little hands on the small of his back, head nuzzled against his belly. At first he had raised his arms away in alarm, overwhelmed, he couldn't fathom why she would possibly want to embrace him – had she not seen what he was doing there? But then, as she continued to cry, wetting the front of his jacket, his hands drifted to her shoulders and then up to her nape, stroking her hair.

"Mina…"

She raised her eyes to his, her face was streaked with tears but she had stopped weeping and she tried a weak smile. _God bless you, you brave little scamp, how can you smile at me?_ He returned the smile for the briefest of moments

"Mina, please…"

She nodded, pulling herself out of the embrace and then reached into one of her pockets. He didn't see what she retrieved but then she slipped whatever it was into his palm, her eyes never leaving his all the while, a small smile accompanied by another nod, and he felt her tiny thumb ghosting over his knuckles. Then before he could say anymore, she was gone, as fast as her little legs would carry her.


	4. Chapter 4

IV

"My Lord, do you remember the village of Castlebrook?"

Vaisey looked up at his Master of Arms as though the younger man was losing his marbles. This reaction from his superior was not unexpected by Guy and he wondered himself if perhaps indeed he was.

"What?"

"Castlebrook. Near Clun. We err, reacquisitioned the village…" _That was an understatement…_

"What are you talking about Gisborne?" Vaisey spat impatiently before he began to fiddle about inside his mouth. _Oh Christ, he's doing that thing with his tooth again…_

"…It was quite a few years ago…"

"Have you been drinking again? Or did you hit your head on the way in here this morning?"

Guy sighed.

"No my Lord."

He wondered why he bothered.

"Look Gisborne, if you think I remember some piffling village…"

"We used the place as a Garrison for a while…"

"Gisborne!"

 _here we go…_

"Unless this has something to do with a cunning scheme to capture Robin Hood then I don't want to hear any more about it."

Guy opened his mouth but then promptly closed it, he figured that the conversation had gone about as well as he could expect it to really. He wisely decided to drop the subject in favour of more outlaw-related topics, God knows he didn't need another lecture about how he should 'get with the plot and stop mooning over the leper'.

The thing was though, and he would never be able to admit it, in fact he could hardly believe it himself, he found himself not all that motivated to go on yet another outlaw-hunting spree at the moment. Yes, at times he felt the sting of humiliation caused by Marian and Hood (and the desire to lash out at them) as fresh and painful as ever but then at other times… he just felt so tired, so sick of it all.

His fingers slipped into his pocket and closed around the stone. He always had it with him of late and it had become a sort of tick to roll it through his fingers, a bit like some people did with rosary beads he supposed.

 _Where did you go to little one?_

 _I should very much like to find you…_

* * *

In a moment of genius, well perhaps desperation was a more accurate term for it, Guy asked Thornton about the old village and then struggled to repress his joy as his long-suffering Manservant recalled knowing someone who had lived there! Guy silently rejoiced his luck. It was a long shot to be sure but it was something. Something that resembled a small sliver of hope…

He was careful about his story, not going into details or revealing his part in the demise of the place, instead expressing a vague curiosity about what may have happened to a boyhood friend from there (which wasn't a lie) and then before he knew it, he was sat there with a scrap of paper in his hand, upon which was the scribbled address of someone, now resident in Clun, who might be able to help him.


	5. Chapter 5

V

It was on the ride to Clun that he wondered (not for the first time) if he was going soft in the head. Vaisey had often accused him of that very thing; going soft, being too lenient, wasting time and energy on 'pursuing Lepers' – indeed this week he had received a number of dressing downs - it had of course not gone unnoticed by the Sheriff that his thoughts were elsewhere. This journey to Clun had been all he could think about.

But could anyone blame him really? Was it so surprising that he could no longer throw himself wholeheartedly into Vaisey's schemes? He was not a machine; there was only so much a man could take. For years, he had been a loyal servant and if this, his current existence as lackey and whipping boy for Vaisey and his minions was the payoff, then one could hardly wonder that his time, energy and desires often lay elsewhere.

He needed something to hope for.

He needed something to look forward to.

And now that the promise of marriage to Marian was gone, (the last thing that had made it all bearable) he was finding it increasingly difficult to stomach the demands of his Master.

It was in these circumstances that this crazy idea of his - to find what out what had happened to his little friend, was all that he had to get by. He did not know what he would do if he found her, he did not dare to think about what she would make of him either but all he knew was that this attempt to find her and these thoughts of her were a consolation to him at a time when consolation was sorely needed.

He had not quite reached Clun as he was seized once more by doubts. What if this friend of Thornton's remembered him? He had taken part in the destruction of his village – that was enough reason for this man to refuse him any help; in fact, it was a good enough reason to throw him out or worse. It was not as if he had any reason to expect a warm welcome in Clun as it was, Vaisey had often made him go there to harass whichever poor bastards had not stumped up enough money for their taxes.

 _I don't suppose telling them that I'm on my day off would make a difference?_

He had to tread lightly here. If this all went pear-shaped, Vaisey might find out about it and that was even worse than being back to square one in the search. No, he would have to be careful. _Best behaviour today Gisborne, keep a civil tongue in your head and a tight rein on that temper of yours and all should be well. Failing that, pay the man. Every deal is sweeter with a little money on the table._ He reflexively checked to see that the money he had brought with him was still where it was supposed to be, took a deep breath and then rode into Clun.

* * *

"You know what you can do? You can f…."

"I haven't said anything yet!"

 _Well that was a good start._

"I've paid my taxes!"

"I didn't say you hadn't!"

"You bastards! You're never happy are you? I've got mouths to feed you know!"

Guy found it amusing that the peasants always said the same things. Well, amusing up to a point anyway, until they started getting really ratty, then it got irritating. This bloke was already at that stage.

"I'm not here to collect taxes."

"You could've fooled me that is all you're ever here for…"

"Not today." Guy crossed his arms defensively; it was a bad habit of his.

"You can tell the Sheriff to stick it!"

"I'm not here for the Sheriff."

"Where is the b…?"

"He isn't here."

"Yes he is - he must be skulking about hiding somewhere."

Guy sighed. God this was getting old real fast.

"He isn't. You have my word."

"Your word! Ha! Your word isn't worth a knob of goatsh…"

Guy swallowed down his anger, eyes flitting up to the heavens.

"Please, if you don't believe me feel free to have a look around. You will find no Sheriff, no guards… I'm not even carrying a weapon." OK, the last bit was a lie, of course he was, he had a dagger strapped to his arm but ratty here didn't have to know that.

Guy held his arms up, palms skyward, a gesture of submission that seemed to pacify the man.

"I am looking for somebody…" he began

"I knew you'd be wanting something! Is it some poor bugger you're lookin' to hang?"

 _Oh Thornton, what have you got me into here?_

"No!" Guy pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "No. I am looking for someone I used to know from the former village of Castlebrook. I have been informed that you were a resident there"

"Someone you want to hang?"

 _God, give me strength._

"No. I don't want to hang anybody. I want to…" _Well? What then? What is it you want then?_

"…I was friends with a young girl from there…"

"You messing with kids now? You bloody pervert! I've a mind to…"

"No!" This was going really well. _This will teach you to have bright ideas Gisborne…_

He took a deep breath to calm himself and then decided that a different strategy was in order.

"Well, I say I was friends with the young girl but to be honest I barely knew her. It was Lady Marian who was friends with her actually…" he glanced over at the object of his exasperation to see if he was going for it - he still looked wary but at least he had stopped cursing and jabbing his finger at him.

"…yes, they were very close you see and lost contact and I thought that well err… perhaps…"

"You'd wheedle your way into her good books by finding this girl."

Guy smirked and said nothing.

 _Well if you are going to think of me as a bastard…_


	6. Chapter 6

VI

Robin Hood and his band of merry men had not been all that merry of late. Which was strange because all had been peaceful the past few weeks. Which had Robin feeling rather paranoid.

 _What could Gisborne be planning?_

It had all been quiet on that front since the wedding – which was not at all what Robin had been expecting. He had been expecting swift reprisals from the Knight – he had after all bolted through with Gisborne's bride-to-be but no… so far nothing… Which was somehow even more unnerving.

"Ey 'ave you heard Robin? Gisborne's gone to York"

Thank the heavens for Allan-a-Dale. Ever since Marian had left the Castle, he had been the only one with news from there. Who would have thought that he would come to rely on the wide-boy's ability to charm the pants off kitchen wenches as a source of information?

"York?"

"Yeah, he set off this morning."

"What…?"

Robin was baffled. _What in God's name could he be doing in York?_

I _'m here Gisborne, where I've always been, what could you possibly be wanting there?_

"He's visiting a friend apparently…"Allan shrugged.

"He hasn't got any friends!"

Robin was scared now. _First weeks and weeks of silence and now the arsehole is in York?_

"Maybe a mate of the Sheriff's?" Alan offered.

 _That's more likely. A mate with a lot of weapons. Or maybe one big weapon. After all the Sheriff and Prince John have tried so far, who knows what they could come up with next? The imagination runs riot in situations like this. Maybe something completely ridiculous like a big f***ing lion or something…_

* * *

Guy looked down once more at the scribbled directions he had received in Clun. That the girl had moved with her father to York after all that had happened in Castlebrook had made things more complicated for him - such a long journey could not be kept secret from his Master.

He had however, become quite creative when it came to lying to the Sheriff. Of course, he could no more tell the Vaisey the truth about wanting to travel to York than he could anyone else, who would believe him after all? And so once again he had spun the tale about finding the girl for Marian, it had been all too easy to convince Thornton's friend that he was doing it out of self-interest – to curry favour with Marian – and happily Vaisey came to that very same conclusion. Where the creativity came in, was convincing the Sheriff that finding the girl could be somehow useful to his schemes. Fortunately, the older man was sufficiently paranoid when it came to Marian; suspecting her of having deeper ties to Hood than she ever let on (something that she had also all but blatantly admitted in riding off with the outlaw that disastrous day) and so he was quick to see the benefits of reuniting Marian with an old friend – an 'old friend' who could find out what Marian was getting up to with Hood for them.

The scheme was of course a Castle in the clouds, merely a story Guy had spun to get to York, there would be no 'old friend of Marian's' who would spy for them - he would ride back to Nottingham in a few days' time and no matter what actually happened in York, the only thing he was ever going to tell the Sheriff was that he had not been able to find her.

It frustrated Guy that these were the things he had to do because the Sheriff had to know the whys and wherefores of everything in his life. But it also satisfied him to know that he could sometimes get one over on him, that he was clever enough to pull things like this off, that he knew how the Sheriff's mind worked and could use this knowledge of him to his advantage. There had been a split second where it had nearly gone wrong and Guy's stomach had lurched as Vaisey had suggested accompanying him on the trip… But then, as he'd suspected, the Sheriff was too busy and thankfully had decided to stay in Nottingham.

And now here he was – riding in to York – with the Sheriff's blessing. And it was all he could do to keep himself from smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

VII

Guy woke up in his bed at the Inn soaked in sweat, panting hard, wondering if he was losing his mind. He was not very proud of himself right now. He brought both hands up to his face and rubbed hard as if this would somehow rub away the wave of shame that was currently washing over him.

 _This is all your fault Marian…_

 _…If you had married me then I wouldn't be like this. I would have you in my bed and I wouldn't be thinking like this. I would only think of you…_

 _…But no…_

 _…You had to go wreck it all…_

 _…And now here I am…_

 _…Going on mad bloody excursions to Clun and York. Trying to find a girl, I once knew. Wondering about the woman, that girl has become…_

 _…How old would she be now? four and twenty? Maybe five and twenty...?_

 _…And beautiful…_

 _…oh yes…_

 _…she was sure to be beautiful…_

 _…I am forming images of her in my mind. What she might look like…_

 _…and wondering if she thinks of me at all…_

 _…and what it would be like to meet her again. To talk with her. To touch her. Taste her. Kiss her. Make love to her..._

 _…I dream about making love to her…a lot…_

 _…I am lying in my bed, soaking wet through, wiping my own cum off myself, coming down from one of the most intense orgasms I have ever had, caused by one of the most vivid sexual dreams I have ever had and feeling absolutely disgusted with myself…_

 _…I am fantasizing about meeting some child I knew fifteen years ago…. Oh God, please don't finish that sentence you pervert..._

 _She is not a child any more…_

 _Shut up._

 _She might like you…_

 _She won't. She won't even remember you._

 _She might…_

 _Even if she did, she is probably married._

 _Maybe she isn't…_

 _Forget it. She is._

 _She loved you once…_

 _She was a child. She had a crush._

 _Maybe she thinks about you…_

 _She is probably too busy looking after a husband and kids to think about you._

 _She might…_

 _You. Burned. Down. Her. Village._

 _She forgave you…_

 _You don't know that._

 _She cares about you…_

 _You don't know that either._

 _Maybe she does think about you – you were the first boy she ever loved…_

 _No._

 _…the first boy she ever held…_

 _No!_

 _Maybe she thinks about you when she lies in her bed and…_

 _STOP IT!_

 _FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!_


	8. Chapter 8

VIII

It was on the third day in the forest that Marian realised she wanted to go home. She knew that this was a dangerous move; the Sheriff and Guy would be able to find her at Knighton and after the stunt she had pulled at the wedding, there would be hell to pay. What worried her more however was her father, he could not come to the forest; his health would not permit it, he had remained at the house all alone and what if the Sheriff decided to pay him a visit? Or drag him off to the Castle dungeons? She would never be able to forgive herself if something happened to him whilst she was in Sherwood playing outlaws with Robin.

In those first few hours, it had seemed so exhilarating; to be free of Guy, to be able to think of a future that didn't involve being his wife, to be with Robin and her friends. But it had not taken long for clouds to form on the horizon.

The thought of what Guy might do alarmed her. He would not let her get away with jilting him - this much she knew. At some point, he would retaliate and although Robin had vowed to protect her, this did not make her feel better.

Guy was the most intense person she had ever met.

He was fire and ice - bewildering her, frustrating her, repulsing her but also (and she was loathe to admit it) fascinating her. He could be so cold, so closed off, so distant and unreadable, his whole body oozing disinterest or distaste one minute, and then positively radiating heat and desire for her the next; looking at her in a way that could not be mistaken for anything other than pure longing, eyes burning into her, voice vibrating through her, touch as soft upon her as only a lover's could be.

It was this intensity; in all that he did and all that he was, that frightened her.

 _How did you get like this?_

She thought of him standing alone outside the church before their wedding waiting for her, he had never been to a wedding before and no one had told him what to do or where to be – there had been no family or friends, not even a best man…

"I hope this pleases you Marian… I hope I please you…"

 _How can it be that you have never been to a wedding before?_

 _How can you not have anybody to stand up with you on your wedding day?_

 _What must your life be like if you have nobody there for you on this most important of days? Not even that monster you work for…_

"I have been dreaming of this day…"

 _And what would you or could you have been like, had you never met that monster?_

Marian sighed and packed the last of her things. Robin wouldn't like it but it had to be done. There was no point wasting time on wondering about what would have or could have been - the Sheriff and Guy were coming and she couldn't do anything about it other than stand by her father and hope that it wouldn't be so bad.


	9. Chapter 9

IX

"Burn the house!"

"Guy no!... Please Sir Guy!"

"Beg!"

"Sir Guy… Please… I beg you…"

"Better... But still not good enough!"

* * *

Guy thought on the events of the past few days with a certain detached horror. He was alarmed at how quickly the tendrils of hate and anger twisting low in his stomach had completely consumed him, resulting in this most recent display of destruction and violence on his part.

And as much as he would like to fall back on his usual excuse of 'following the Sheriff's orders', he knew that just wouldn't cut it this time.

 _No Gisborne._

 _You wanted it._

 _You set her house alight as she begged you not to._

 _And you wanted it._

* * *

At first, he been relieved not to find Mina in York.

He had made enquiries at the relevant address (and a few more places besides) and upon learning that nobody remembered the girl or her father, he had decided it was time to put a stop to this silly escapade. He had even laughed because yes, it was laughable how ridiculous it had all become; riding all this way to find some ghost of his past, catering to a foolish flight of fancy, getting wrapped up in some strange quest that he really could not afford to… and last but not least; lying to Vaisey about going on a trip to find a 'spy' whilst knowing that if his master found out what he was really doing he would probably beat him to within an inch of his life for being such a pathetic sentimental soft-arsed weakling…

And so he chalked it all up to what it basically was; a distraction from all that had hurt him.

He had needed something to bring him comfort and this thing, this girl, this trip, had been it. But he would have to go back, that much he knew, and the real world would be waiting for him. None of his problems had gone away whilst he had been indulging himself with all this, no if anything it had all probably gotten worse in his absence but he didn't allow himself many luxuries and so decided to enjoy what little time remained in York.

It was later that the he began to think of her again. And the relief he felt turned to sadness.

 _Where are you?_

His bed was still warm from the woman he had charmed into it. Based on the dreams he had been having of late, he figured a woman would be just the thing to make him feel better. But now he felt worse. For she was not the woman he'd wanted.

That made him feel so empty.

And lonely.

And angry…

 ** _Marian._**

 _What have you done to me?_

 _What have you reduced me to?_

He could feel the tendrils of hate taking root low in his stomach…

* * *

"…So….. Speaking of our lady leper friends… it's time to go get the pretty one and her daddy"

"And if they resist? Should I use force?"

"Get up to speed Gisborne – use force anyway."


	10. Chapter 10

X

In the face of all that he had to put up with recently, it was no surprise that Guy found himself escaping ever more frequently to the stables. His horse was the only one not to bring him any grief and riding was practically the only thing to bring him any pleasure.

And of course there was the joy of putting distance between himself and the shitshow that was currently unfolding in Nottingham.

Count Friedrich of Bavaria and in particular the fallout of his visit was making Guy's life hell.

Vaisey loved money and power above all else and 'the Booby' had helped others to relieve the Sheriff of a tidy sum and he'd been powerless to do anything about it. Of course, it was everybody else's fault - the Sheriff never seemed to question his own failings whenever his schemes went arse up – the fact that of all the dumb rich nobles there were in this world, Vaisey had decided to invite somebody intelligent enough to outwit him had never crossed his mind for an instant. And that was not to let anybody else off the hook, let's face it, it had been a total farce from start to finish – they'd all messed up but it was always Guy that got to bear the brunt of Vaisey's ire in the aftermath.

It was with this background Guy saddled his horse early one morning and rode out of Nottingham for the day. His mind was so full of other things that he scarcely knew where he was riding to but he found himself smiling as he realised where it was his troubled mind had taken him.

To Castlebrook.

To his surprise, there was a small scattering of houses there, none of them so grand as Locksley or his former home at Gisborne, but although they were small, they looked tidy and relatively new – couldn't have been built more than a few summers ago. Some of the houses had a small yard or garden attached with chickens running about, and nearby was a path leading to fields and a patch of woodlands, then on to the river that divided the village from Clun. It was still quite early but there were people already busying about doing chores and the like - he took care to hang back on the outskirts and observe from a distance as if scared to disturb the idyllic scene taking place before him.

It made him happy to see that there was once again life in Castlebrook. It was not the village it had been by a long shot and what he had done here could never be undone he knew, but it was a comfort to him that this place was once more a home for a few families all the same.

He stood there for some time mesmerized and couldn't bring himself to go any further. A strange fear came over him and he scarcely knew why – it was silly but it was as if this was all somehow a dream and if he moved, even the smallest fraction, that everything would crumble to ash before him and the village would be as he had last seen it - a wasteland of destruction. His horse nudged him out of his reverie and he smiled; the houses were still there - all was well, he shook his head and stroked his companion on the nose, murmuring words of affection before continuing forwards on foot towards the village. He removed his leather jacket; he was not here on business, or to fulfil any unpleasant tasks for the Sheriff and had no wish to alarm anybody or draw any attention to himself with his usual dominating attire. Fortunately, nobody recognised him or seemed particularly interested in his presence, a few villagers nodded politely in passing and one stopped briefly to admire his horse but other than that he passed through largely unnoticed.

He stopped to rest briefly under a tree whilst his horse grazed and all he could think of was Mina. Indeed, he was half expecting his little friend to come running out of one of the houses at any moment and start following him round the village as she always had done. His fingers clenched around the stone she had given him and he closed his eyes to picture her in his mind.

 _I'm sorry little one._

 _I know it's no good to you now but I am._

 _I wish I could go back in time and do it all differently but I can't._

He decided it was time to go. He was getting maudlin again and he didn't want to. He had enough regrets as it was, there was no point going over all this again. He hoped now that he had seen the place once more, he would be able to consign these thoughts, this story of Mina and Castlebrook to memory and to think of other things.


	11. Chapter 11

XI

"If you please Sir, I'd not be drinking from the river here; it'll taste of dirty washin'!"

Guy nearly jumped out of his skin. He'd come down to the river to fill his canteen before the ride back to Nottingham and had not expected company. He turned swiftly on his heels to see two women, one older, one younger, a little further down the riverbank kneeling down at the water's edge busily washing clothes - he had been so lost in his thoughts he had not even noticed them. He frowned at first but then smiled and nodded as the older women gestured to what she was doing. Her companion was still bent over the washing and paused only a brief moment to glance up at the object of the older woman's attention.

Guy was about to thank the woman for the advice but was stopped dead in his tracks by the younger tilting her head up, smoothing away her hair with the crook of her arm and then looking directly at him.

He froze.

His heart gave a jolt.

 _No._

 _It could not be…_

She continued with the task in hand, uninterested in anything other than the clothes in her hands, putting her whole body into the job, stopping only to readjust her sleeve…

Guy could only stand there and look upon her, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to breathe…

 _Look at me._

 _Please._

 _For the love of God…._

 _Look at me._

"Can we do somethin' for ye Sir?" The older woman was regarding him with a frown

Guy was aware that what with him staring so, she must think him strange.

 _For god 's sake, speak man!_

"I err…. No… I mean…"

 _No! Speak properly you dumbf*ck!_

He brought his hand up and nervously rubbed his face. He briefly considered slapping himself but figured that wouldn't help the situation any, if the woman didn't already think he was cuckoo then she would if he did that.

The younger now raised her head and regarded him warily. Their eyes met.

 _Oh God in heaven – it is you._

 _Oh God it is…_

He smiled shyly and willed himself to say something. He didn't know how much longer he stood there staring at her, unable to speak but it must have been long enough and obvious enough for the older woman to look from him to her younger companion, realising that the strange state he was in was brought on by her.

And she had put him in a state alright. He had rarely been so tongue-tied in his whole life but considering the sight before him, he couldn't be any other way.

She was beautiful.

He had somehow known that she would be but could see now that even in his fantasies he had not done her justice. And even though she frowned at him, wondering what to make of this man staring at her so intensely; he was bewitched - those incredible eyes had him. She pressed her lips together tightly and a blush spread over her face, she lowered her eyes embarrassed by his attentions and hoped that in ignoring him he might go away or at the very least, state what his business here was. Her long honey-coloured tresses were once more spilling forwards into her face and it was all Guy could do to stop himself from sinking his fingers into them and smoothing the offending locks back out of her eyes. And still she knelt there, trying to concentrate on what it was she was doing, as one of her sleeves slipped low, revealing a bare shoulder, Guy sighed - she looked utterly delectable.

It was at that moment she stopped. Her body froze and she began staring at some point in front of her intently, frowning deep in concentration. Her head then shot up abruptly, her mouth fell open and her eyes fixed upon him, studying his face, eyes widening slowly, and then blinking furiously. She slowly pulled herself up but was unsteady and it seemed for a moment as if she would fall but then she took a step towards him and her lips began to curl upwards…

"Guy?"

Y _es little one._

He began to smile and it must have been a good smile for then her whole face lit up and became a picture of the purest joy.


	12. Chapter 12

XII

If Guy had been worried that Mina had forgotten him, he shouldn't have been.

No, she had not forgotten him.

Not one little bit.

Had she found a man to love perhaps she would have forgotten him but no, that was not what had happened.

If Guy's life had been hard, then it was fair to say that Mina had her very own story to tell of hardship. She had been poor as a church mouse when she had met him and although she was somewhat better off now, she was still poor – just as her parents always had been. Her father had been an old man, frail and in poor health and alas her mother, though younger and healthier, did not survive bringing Mina into the world. So it was just the two of them, father and daughter left to struggle and somehow muddle through this life, living hand to mouth in Castlebrook. That was the child Guy met back then, the little girl with practically only a stuffed toy and a pebble to her name.

In the aftermath of what happened there and finding themselves homeless, the little girl and the old man were fortunate enough to be able to take refuge with a family in Clun for a brief spell and then with relatives in York. It was in York that her father's health began to fail in earnest and so Mina found herself, at eleven summers old, burying her father and facing a future at the mercy of some distant cousin.

Her father had always been a kind man; his relatives however, were not. The cousin and his family were loathe to have another mouth to feed and so made sure that Mina earned every morsel with hard work. This slighted existence went on for a few years until the cousin decided to marry her off. She was then fifteen.

She had not loved her husband. How could she? It had not been a match of her making to someone she could have loved and so she had tried to make the best of it, resigning herself to a marriage of convenience. She'd had to grow up fast – a young bride tied to a much older man who had not particularly cared for her, indeed had not even tried to – the love of his life had been the bottle and not even Mina's beauty or endless attempts at patience with him had been able to change that.

But her heart had whispered to her all the same, reminding her of a certain boy; the only one she had ever looked at in that way. Yes, she had only been a child then and could barely understand what she had been feeling for him but later on as she began to grow into a woman and was forced into the role of a wife, with all that attended it, that was when her crush blossomed into something else altogether.

How could it not? In the absence of someone to love and return that love, she clung to Guy's memory. He took on new form in her mind, she imagined sitting with him holding hands, talking with him, teasing him, hugging him tightly and having him return her embrace…

…him kissing her, touching her, making love to her…

All the things she longed to experience with a man, a friend, a partner, a lover she did with him in her mind. In this way he became much more to her than he could ever know. He was her constant companion for many a lonely year – her consolation for all that she could not have, this beautiful, kind and loving man, perfect as he was - for he was her own creation.

But it was bittersweet for as much as he could be to her, this man did not exist.

Guy existed, he was alive and real and she had once known him but that person – that beautiful boy she had so looked up to was long gone from her life. And this fantasy man she had dreamt up was all that she had left.

For the most part she thanked God she had met him for she did not know how she could have got through her life without him. In particular, her life with her husband, all six years of it until the fool got in a drunken brawl and died of his injuries, had been difficult to bear and she would not have been without Guy in her thoughts. But there were also times where she found herself choking on bitter tears, wishing she could really have had a life with somebody to love as she did in her imaginings.

And now here he was.

Guy.

The man.

Flesh and blood.

And she was so happy that he lived.

That life had thrown them together once more.

It was so overwhelming; she wondered that she could contain herself.

How could she bear so much happiness?

She kept thinking that she would wake up any moment, that this was all so wonderful it could not be real, that surely Guy would fade away and be replaced instead with the dreaded form of her husband, who was not dead but had somehow lived on to make the rest of her life a misery.

But it didn't happen.

Thank the Lord and the heavens above.

Guy was still there, sitting opposite her under the old oak tree and it was all she could do not to crawl into his lap, nuzzle her head against his chest and never leave that spot again.

 _Could you ever know how much I love you?_

 _I don't even know you but I do… I love you so much._

 _And I will probably never have the guts to tell you any of this but there it is…_

 _I love you._


	13. Chapter 13

XIII

"Master of Arms in Nottingham?!"

Guy melted a little as Mina said this. He had seldom seen anybody react positively upon hearing him talk of his profession and had definitely never seen anybody so happy to learn this about him. He quickly deduced that she could not have been long in the area; otherwise, her reaction would have been a different one.

"You must live in a grand house with lots of servants…" She smiled broadly at him, he nodded politely "…it must be heavenly to have servants… if I ever had any, I would have them do the washing for me and Mary" She giggled and gestured to her older companion, who was still busy washing clothes a way further down the riverbank.

"…And you must have many duties?"

Y _ou have no idea._

"Yes, the Sheriff keeps me very busy."

Mina frowned. She had not heard much about the Sheriff since her return to Castlebrook, only some disgruntled mutterings from market traders in Clun on the few times she had been with Mary to fetch something or other there but what she had heard hadn't been good. This new information worried her.

"You work directly for the Sheriff?"

Guy nodded, the expression on his face darkening.

"What is he like?"

Guy sighed, unconsciously rubbing his forehead with the fingers of his right hand.

"He is…"

 _Steady now Gisborne; let's not scare the girl off with the truth on this one - besides there aren't enough expletives…_

"…single minded."

 _Ha! That was good! File that one away for future use!_

Mina could sense his unease and not wishing to displease or discomfort him in any way decided to say no more on the subject. She lowered her gaze shyly and began to fiddle with the hem of her dress. She wanted to ask him so many questions but didn't know where or how to begin, she still couldn't believe that he remembered her – their last meeting had been so long ago and how could it be that so an important man; a Knight, a Master of Arms no less, would have even thought of her in all that time? It amazed her that he was still sitting there; wanting to talk with her - surely such a man would have better things to do? She continued to nervously gaze up at him, trying not to stare too much – it had of course not escaped her notice that he was ridiculously handsome and that made her feel even worse.

Guy finally interrupted the uncomfortable silence:

"You work here in the village?"

"Yes, I help Mary mostly but I have a few other jobs on the go as well – whatever needs doing around the village you know?"

"I didn't know there were houses here again." Guy smiled nervously, aware he was skirting around the subject of what had happened back then.

"Me neither. I've not been back here all that long - I lived up near York for a long time but always thought of this old place… Anyway, I eventually took the chance to come back and when I saw the houses…" The smile on her face made Guy sigh.

"You lived in York?"

 _Why did nobody remember you there?_

"Years ago I did. Lived there with relatives of my father for a while after he died but then I ended up in a village just outside of York… I wanted to come back here though…"

"Why didn't you?" Guy's voice was quiet now, barely a whisper as he asked her and it made her shiver.

"Because I had to live where my husband lived." She couldn't look at him as she said this, choosing instead to fix her eyes on some point on the floor between them.

Guy's heart sank.

"You are married?"

 _Of course she is. Whatever else could you have been thinking you dolt?_

"No I am a widow."

"A widow?" He frowned. Of all the fates, he could have imagined for her, this truly was not one of them. "But you are so young…" he fixed her with a sympathetic look before continuing: "Was he a soldier?"

Had she not been sitting, she could've fell to the floor in hysterics at that one! As it was, she could just about contain herself from hunching over in a fit of giggles. A soldier! She should be so lucky!

"No! He got himself killed fighting in the pub - the idiot!"

Guy jolted in surprise and his eyes bugged.

"What?"

"Yeah, he was drunk and got in an argument with the wrong fella…" she could see he looked horrified and she began to squirm a bit. "I wish he had been a soldier Sir Guy, then I could've had something good to say about him but yeah…" She pressed her lips together and looked once more to the ground, embarrassed to tell him of this – he could surely not want to hear about it. She sighed and then raising her head abruptly began to speak once more in an overly cheery voice:

"But let's not talk of me. What about you? Tell me about you."


	14. Chapter 14

XIV

Guy was not far from Nottingham when he found that he just couldn't face going back. Not today. Not after all that had happened. His mind was so full of questions, constantly going over things Mina had said, trying to understand all that had passed between them – no, it wouldn't do, not like this; it had been hard enough keeping his mind on the job lately but now he was distracted and if the Sheriff noticed…

He silently vowed at that moment that he would never say a word about any of it to anybody, especially not Vaisey. Not a single word would pass his lips about Mina. He would not have anybody harm her or her village again. Castlebrook was too small to be of notice to the Sheriff, who was currently busy with other things and Guy hoped it would stay that way. He had destroyed the place once; he would not play any part in destroying it, or indeed hurting the people who live there by betraying it, again.

He was on the outskirts of Sherwood Forest as he tethered his horse to a tree, lay down in the grass and closed his eyes. It would be just his luck for Robin Hood to show up now; he was always skulking about around here. Funny that most of the time he wanted to find him but right now, Hood was the last person he wanted to see. Alright maybe a close second after the Sheriff.

 _Not everything revolves around you Locksley… there are other people in the world…_

And so his thoughts returned to Mina.

He found himself enraptured by her image and tried now to recall every detail his mind had taken in of her - from her hair; now longer and darker than the dirty blond of her childhood but still glinting honey gold in the sunlight, to those eyes; vivid green with a fingerprint of brown around the pupil, large, soulful, framed by wickedly long lashes, indescribably intensely beautiful. If the eyes had Guy hooked then the nose made him smile; it was the cutest button nose he had ever seen and gave her face it's overall delicate shape. Her cheekbones were high and dusted with freckles, another thing that made Guy smile, it was a feature that remained unchanged from back then - making her look younger than she was. Guy wouldn't be Guy had he left her lips unnoticed; full, sensual and... very kissable was the verdict there. Her stature remained small, she had been a waif as a child and although she was obviously a woman now, she remained on the smaller side. Most people were small compared to Guy but Mina seemed mini, this made Guy want to scoop her up into his arms and permanently keep her there.

But for all she looked like a girl, for all her features spoke of delicacy and youth it seemed that her life had not been easy on her.  
He was overwhelmed at what she had told him and he had a feeling that that had actually been very little. She had mostly glossed over details and tried to move onto other subjects, as if none of those things, those things that made up her life story, were even worth mentioning.

 _I suppose that makes two of you._

He knew that he had also been hardly forthcoming about much of his life; in particular his work but what exactly could he tell her about that?

 _"Well Mina, I spend most of my time hunting down outlaws with a side-line in collecting taxes, torturing prisoners and attempting to assassinate Kings… Soooo… when will I see you again?!"_

No, he had known for a very long time now that his job was not something he could talk about in any detail, not that is, if he actually wanted to see the other person again.

And he wanted to see her again. Oh God, how much he wanted to…

They had not had the luxury of much time to talk. Mina could not leave all of the work to her companion and as much as Guy could've happily sat there all day and watched the beautiful girl washing clothes at the riverbank, he knew that would've only made her feel uncomfortable.

And so after a brief chat, sitting together in the shade of a tree, she had smiled sadly and gotten up to take her leave:

"I'm very glad to have met you again Sir Guy…"

He bolted up from the ground directly and took a step towards her

"You are going already…?"

And then she nodded and held out her hand to politely shake his! He must have looked as crestfallen as he felt for she then added nervously as if in explanation:

"Well err… I figured you must have more important things to do than sit here chatting to a washerwoman and…"

"No!" He said this too loud he knew, for she looked somewhat startled but then as he stepped forward to take both of her hands in his, she smiled, her face suddenly a picture of happiness, as he said softly "No, nothing more important than this."

At that moment then, as she blushed and looked away, Guy felt as if someone gave his heart a hard squeeze.

 _Oh little one, you have me._

 _Do you know it?_

 _Could you?_

He then cleared his throat and said unsteadily "I know you are busy now, I should not take you from your work… I should like to visit you here again… if you like…"

"Really?"

 _Good God yes_

"Of course."


	15. Chapter 15

XV

"Thinking of me?"

Marian jumped and nearly brought her hand up to her heart but caught herself in time; she didn't want to give Robin the satisfaction of knowing he had startled her.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she smiled but her eyes showed her irritation.

"Come on, you can admit it you know?" Robin thought that his smiles were charming and often they were but Marian found that this one was just smug.

 _You'd like to think that wouldn't you?_

"Sorry to disappoint you. I was thinking about whether to buy this dress or not." She gestured to the market stall

"Sorry to disappoint you my Lady but that can't be true, you must have enough dresses to clothe the entire town of Nottingham or has Gisborne not been buying you any lately?"

 _Sometimes I could just slap you…_

"A woman can never have enough dresses…" She smiled sweetly but then the smile faded just as quickly for she knew he was about to begin one of his speeches about how most people could hardly afford such luxuries these days and she didn't want to get him started on that one, she just wanted him to get to the point.

"Is there something I can do for you Robin?"

"There's something going on with Gisborne."

Marian knew he was right, in fact that had been exactly what she had been thinking about before Robin had crept up on her.

"What do you mean?" She was curious to hear what the outlaw knew.

"Well for one he's always riding off somewhere on his own, to York or wherever…"

"Lucky him. I wish I could be so fortunate." Marian remarked bitterly. Being confined to the Castle and constantly shadowed by guards watching her every move was not agreeing with her - it was a wonder they could have this conversation, luckily Allan was keeping her escorts busy with some gambling trick or other.

"Could you not keep an eye on him for me?" Robin tried another attempt at a charming smile and once again, it didn't have the desired effect on Marian

 _Aha. Now we're getting to the point._

"And how should I do that exactly? You see my situation here…" She gestured furiously to the guards "…and you hardly seemed keen on having me near him the other night…" Marian had to turn away from him on saying this; she felt her face growing hot and it was not from being angry with Robin.

 _Oh, the other night…_

She had never thought that she would ever dwell so much on an encounter with Gisborne.

 _God, the sight of him…_

"He was stood there half naked, holding your hand! – how was I supposed to feel about that?"

 _Jealous. Very jealous, oh smug one._

"Ladies and Gents, it was a pleasure but I have to be gettin' along now…" Allan had obviously had enough of swindling the guards and as one of them was not looking at all happy about being parted from his money, it was probably for the best.

"We'll talk about this again soon." Robin whispered and started to take his leave

"Yeah, well you know where I'll be."

* * *

Marian threw herself upon the bed and huffed in frustration. She wanted to help Robin but her wings were clipped. If she was honest, she would like nothing more than to know what Gisborne was getting up to but how? She quickly got up from the bed to look out the windows and her eyes drifted automatically to the stables. Guy's horse was not there and it occurred to her that she had not seen him all day.

 _Where do you always go riding to?_

Marian sighed. If she were allowed to, she would love to go riding… she would love to follow him riding.

 _He always looks good on a horse._

 _Jesus Marian! Where did that come from?_

 _You know where…_

…And so her thoughts drifted back to the other night.

"Marian what is this all about?" Guy had asked her but she barely knew herself.

He had put her so off balance, she wondered that she had been coherent.

 _You catch him one time with his shirt off and get into a state, what would've happened if you'd married him?_

It had not just been his bare torso that had affected her, though that had certainly done the job; it had been his whole intense... Guyness. It had been the juxtaposition of the bare torso and the completely closed off demeanour, the body radiating heat and the eyes pure ice, the tremors in his breathing and the directness of his words

"I had feelings for you; I make no bones about that but now… now I feel nothing."

 _How can you be so open, so bare and yet so closed, so hidden, so… hurtful._

 _Is this hurt you are feeling Marian? Is that what this is?_

"I offer friendship."

 _Did you?_

"No. This isn't about friendship… you want your freedom back… and I can't give that to you – you and your father have made your own bed."

And so it went on as Marian replayed the scene over and over in her mind wondering why it bothered her so.

Once upon a time, she would have reached out to him to try to cure the 'bad blood' between them but she knew the Guy she had been confronted with lately would not buy it.

He was suspicious. He didn't trust her. He could see through her. He didn't **want** her.

 _Do you want his love again?_

It scared her that a part of her might.

The part that had wished Robin hadn't been spying on them that night.

The part that kept **that** image of him branded in her mind.

The part that whispered to her that if it had been a different Guy that night, the Guy that usually wanted her so ardently, she wouldn't have resisted him.


	16. Chapter 16

XVI

"What's this Sir Guy?" Mina gently slid her fingers over the inside of his wrist, ghosting her thumbs over a mark there. They were sitting by the river in the usual spot underneath the oak tree, things had been stressful in Nottingham of late and so he hadn't been able to resist riding out to visit her this morning. A good decision he decided as he closed his eyes to savour her touch.

"Hmmm?" he snapped out of it to look where she indicated "Oh that… that's an old scar."

 _It was once a tattoo. I liked it._

"How did you get it?" She continued to hold his wrist in her soft grip and the way she was touching him was driving him mad; he longed to pull her close.

"I err… it was… well, it's a burn."

 _…caused by my sadist boss._

"A burn?" she fixed him with a questioning look making him nervous

"Yes err I was…"

 _How do you explain something like this?_

"…ah… careless…"

 _That's one way of putting it._

"Hmmm…" she was frowning but the corners of her lips quirked upwards, her eyes amused "… and are you often careless Sir Guy?"

"I told you, there's no need to call me Sir, just call me Guy"

"I know but I keep forgetting." The mischievous grin on her face said otherwise; she didn't keep forgetting, she merely enjoyed winding him up.

 _One of these days, I'm going to kiss that grin right off your face._

"Have you got a few of these?" she held his wrist up, her eyes flitting from the scar to his face, a raised eyebrow accompanying the grin. He squirmed.

"I… it's…you could say it… well… it happens sometimes… in my line of work."

 _You can say that again._

Mina had a way of smiling and frowning at the same time - Guy never knew what to make of it, and now was no exception. An uneasy silence followed.

"… like in Castlebrook?"

He froze.

He had known at some point that they would talk about this; the terrible thing he had done but knowing it did not make it any easier. He felt a wave of shame wash over him.

"Yes…" His voice was so quiet she could hardly hear him. He bowed his head finding he could not look at her. "… yes, I… there is… that is to say that I…"

"It's alright. You don't have to explain…"

"I do!" he snapped, his voice loud and impatient, his brow creased in a severe frown. He then immediately took her hands in his to soothe her alarm at his sharp tone of voice, he bit his lip nervously before raising his eyes to hers; he looked utterly miserable

"I'm so sorry Mina…" she knew he was not referring to having interrupted her, "I didn't want to…"

"I know." Her voice was soft with no hint of reproach, she squeezed his hands gently, he looked at her in wonder.

"You do?"

"You are a good man. You would never do such a thing willingly."

 _Oh but I would… and I have…_

"No. I'm not a good man…" she was about to interrupt but he looked at her with such urgency "…and I have done many bad things... Oh Mina… you have no idea…" his voice was so desperate now, as if to tell her but also plead with her at the same time

 _God you will hate me. I know it._

"What things?" She tilted her head, her eyes full of concern. Now it was becoming too much for him. He pulled away and scrambled to his feet and she just as quickly sprang up from the spot and stepped towards him "Please… Don't go - I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you… Please Guy…"

She placed a hand on his shoulder; she wanted to pull him into her arms but thought the better of it not wanting to overstep the mark. He began shaking his head

"You are too good… after all that I have done - how can you be so good to me? I couldn't believe it then and I still can't believe it now…"

'I love you' is what she wanted to say but knew that she could not. He would think her mad - this was his third visit, she barely knew him…. and yet she knew her own heart.

It was perhaps the strangest thing to love the man that burned your home to the ground and yet it was so. Many would pity her, for how bereft of love could her life be for her to love a man who did such things? And perhaps they were right but it could never be that simple – nothing ever was. The boy she had known had not wanted to do it - that much she had always known; he had been her friend, he had been good and kind to her, he had had no reason to. And although she had never known exactly why he had done it, she knew enough to see that his life was not his own and the things he did were not of his own free will.

Something she knew a lot about herself.

"Please… I cannot tell you why – I never was very good when it comes to the whys of the things I do. All I know is that I should very much like to sit with you a while longer, no matter what you have done, for it is much better than going back to Mary and doing the washing!"

He burst into laughter, so loud his body was shaking with it; his eyes were wide in surprise, not quite believing the cheek of the woman. She sighed in relief and then the loveliest cheekiest grin lit up her whole face

"Aha! So that's it is it? I am preferable to doing the washing am I?" the grin on his face was positively wicked.

Her answer was a grin as wicked as his own.


	17. Chapter 17

XVII

Although Mina had not been long in the area, her presence had not gone unnoticed by the local menfolk.

And the not so local.

One of which was Allan a Dale.

He had noticed her in Clun - it had been just another routine day in the forest and so he had decided to go and see what was going on with one of his mates who works as a market trader there. He was chatting with his friend, who had nothing much of interest to report and then… there she was.

"Who's that?"

"Who do you mean?"

"That girl over there!" He gestured furiously, thankfully she didn't notice.

"Which one?"

"Which one!? How many girls do you see? There is only one! Or do you think I get off on lookin' at old women?"

The market trader shrugged his shoulders – he had seen Allan with a variety of women and did not think his friend was particularly choosy in that department. Allan smirked and considered saying something but then decided against it, he was wasting time here; precious time he could be spending chatting up the divine woman a few stalls down.

"Hello there! You're new round here yeah? My name's Allan. Can I help you with anything?" he flashed her a charming smile and reached out his hand to shake hers in greeting. Mina, who was somewhat startled by this sudden attention, smiled politely and softly placed her hand in his before quickly drawing it back. She looked briefly at Mary, who was stood beside her rolling her eyes and muttering curses; poor long-suffering Mary, it didn't seem that they could get anything done these days without some bloke or other interrupting.

"Hello Allan. I'm Mina, this is Mary" she gestured to Mary who had already moved on to another stall, completely uninterested in Allan, "I thank you for your kind offer but I think we can manage."

"You sure? I see you've got a bit of stuff to carry there… I could help you if you like..?"

She raised an eyebrow; no, she wasn't going for it. Still, Allan was nothing if not persistent:

"…and err… my mate over there has got some lovely stuff you know, I could even try an' talk him into letting you 'ave some of it a bit cheaper" Her answering smile was truly sweet and Allan thought for a second that perhaps she might even go for it but he never got the chance to find out.

"Good morning Allan."

He froze. He would know that voice anywhere. He turned around slowly and smiled nervously at the Master of Arms he knew would be standing there.

"Mornin"

Allan was struck immediately with Gisborne's appearance; the Knight looked different and Allan couldn't put a finger on what it was until it finally dawned on him that Guy was not wearing his leather jacket.

"Could I have a word?" Guy's voice was low; not at all the usual authoritative boom but it put Allan on edge anyway. Allan turned briefly to look at Mina to take his leave of her; she looked from Allan to Guy intrigued, her eyes lingering on Guy in particular.

"Yeh. Course…" Allan huffed, somewhat disappointed at this sudden change in conversation partner. Guy gestured towards the Inn and Allan took his cue to walk on ahead and thus did not see the affectionate look shared by the two people behind him nor the quick squeeze Guy gave Mina's hand as he walked past her.

* * *

"Were you following me?" Mina asked teasingly and threw a light playful punch against Guy's shoulder.

"No!" his expression was mockingly scandalized "Can't a man bump into a fair lady at the local market?" She tried not to blush but couldn't help it as he looked at her with his best puppy dog eyes.

They were sitting in a field not far from Castlebrook, Mary had given up any hope of further assistance from Mina the moment she had seen Guy at the market and so begrudgingly let Mina go with him. He had insisted on carrying their bags back to the house before leading Mina off and so gained much-needed brownie points with Mary there. Still, he didn't want to push his luck any further and decided upon a different spot for them to talk in private today, just in case Mary changed her mind.

"Funny that you arrived at just that moment…" her lips curled into a knowing smile

"And not a moment too soon my Lady! Somebody must defend your honour from outlaws!" his smile was innocent but his eyes were anything but. Mina couldn't help giggling.

"My honour!" this was most amusing to her - him speaking of her as if she were an innocent maiden, "and what did you say to the… outlaw to defend my honour?"

"I merely gave Allan the hint that if my Lady requires any help from him in future she will let him know."

Mina blushed and turned away. The way he was looking at her now was too much for her. She knew what it was to be admired by a man; she noticed the way certain men looked at her and knew why - indeed, she had quickly understood why Allan had been so friendly at the market that very morning, but the way Guy looked at her… she was half hope and half agony and scarcely knew what to do with herself.

Guy for his part had not said anything about Mina to Allan, he had merely made enquiries as to what Hood was getting up to of late – as per their usual agreement but his true intention had of course been to get Allan away from Mina. He needed no reminder of how attractive she was, that much he knew already but Allan's interest in her had made him feel his own desire for her all the more keenly and now as he looked at her, he wondered if it would be wrong to kiss her.

"Aren't you going to ask me?" his voice was husky and made Mina shiver,

"Ask you what?" she replied after a long pause, trying to regain composure,

"What I was really doing at the market?" his smile was wicked, his voice even huskier and she now understood why it was that women sometimes swooned when men made them feel a certain way.

He could see the effect he was having on her and was enjoying it, he didn't wait for a reply; "I was looking for a gift… you see…"

He pulled her towards him with both hands, pulling her into his lap and she slid into his arms, offering no resistance, just letting him, entranced by their sudden closeness, his chest warm against her back. He turned her slightly so that she sat not directly in front of him but to the side and slowly brought both arms around her, bringing both their hands together in front of them, his body enveloping hers in his embrace. Then he gently took one of her hands, opened her fingers and placed an object in her palm.

It was a hairclip.

His father had given his mother a similar one; the one he had found on the floor that day – the day he had found the stone - her gift to him, and now he had found this at the market in Clun, his gift to her. He soaked up the beaming smile he received from her and her breathless words as she thanked him again and again, but then he found he could not wait any longer, not another minute…

He tilted her head up to his, slid his fingers into her hair, gently pulled the tresses away from her face and placed the softest of kisses upon her lips.


	18. Chapter 18

XVIII

"Do you know something Marian…?" the Sheriff paused for effect, he enjoyed how it put people on edge "…I think you might have competition."

Marian frowned for a second but then fixed him with an unimpressed look, she expected taunts from him, it was all he ever did and so she tried her best to repress her irritation as it only made things worse.

"My Lord Sheriff?"

"Gisborne..." He wandered around the room as if this was a casual conversation, which of course it wasn't; Vaisey never did anything casually, everything was calculated, "I think he has… how shall I put it? …another pretty one…" he smiled greasily, relishing her discomfort. At first, she pretended that his remark was of no interest to her but then as his words sunk in, she began to wonder, "Yes, he thinks I don't notice his little rides off to Clun, or that he has been buying trinkets again…" Vaisey was circling her now, watching her reactions closely, she was, in that moment, unwittingly confirming his suspicions, "…at first I thought his little gifts were for you but now…" he trailed off, not needing to say anymore – his work was done here. He was a picture of smug self-satisfaction with an enormous gap-toothed grin plastered all over his face - he could see her confusion and it thrilled him to goad her so.

He was of course right. Marian had received no gifts from Guy of late; the gifts had stopped after the wedding along with all the other clumsy attempts to win her. She was frowning now, trying to make sense of it all, wondering if what the Sheriff was saying could be true or if he was just saying these things to taunt her. Could there be another explanation? Perhaps Guy had been meeting with a spy; Robin had told her that very morning of the possibility of a spy in his gang but then what of the gifts? Could Gisborne be planning to try to court her again? Nothing in his current behaviour suggested it – he was no longer angry with her but he remained distant at best and suspicious of her at worst… Could it be that he had another?

As all of this was running though her mind the Sheriff had been gradually edging closer to her and she was suddenly startled to find that he was standing practically right up in her face. He brought a hand up to cup her chin, roughly tilting her head up to his, she flinched but he held fast and with a malicious leer whispered, "Better buck up your ideas eh missy? Or you'll not be getting him back for all of your night time visits and finest silks."

* * *

Guy was sitting on the ramparts and pondering the enormous differences between his private and professional life at the moment.

On the one side, he was joyous, happy, positively rapturous; everything seemed so easy, so simple, so wonderful.

On the other, it was as if he was being pulled in many directions at once; everybody seemed to want something from him, be it Allan asking him for a job, Marian all of a sudden wanting to 'spend some time with him' or the Sheriff requiring all manner of assistance in the usual carousel of ridiculous plots; bringing the 'pestilence' to Nottingham, employing quacks to get some idiot messenger to talk or last but not least dunking 'witches'.

He supposed he should be flattered to be so sought-after but instead, he merely felt as if he was being used. Allan had no choice but to come to him for a job, Marian was manipulating him for her own ends and the Sheriff, well, he nearly let him drown for a bag of rocks not so long back - no need to say anymore there.

Since he'd met Mina, it had made many things easier to deal with. He found it easier to do his job knowing that she would be there whenever he could make the time to visit - this was an enormous consolation to him. A few months ago, he would have been crushed to discover Marian was spying on him but then again back then he probably wouldn't have been able to see it, he would've swallowed her lies not wanting to believe what she was doing. But now he saw it all so clearly and it wasn't all that tragic – hey, it wasn't even all that unexpected.

 _Thank God, I have you little one._

He decided to go to Castlebrook. It was late afternoon and would soon be nightfall but he was damned if he was going to hang around here with this lot and perhaps he could coax Mina out for an evening walk along the river. Yes he would go; go and be where he knew he was wanted.

* * *

Guy thought he should never grow tired of kissing her.

It was a glorious summer evening with not a cloud in the sky and Guy had saddled his horse and was on his way before anybody could say anything about it. He surprised her at the house, silencing her startled gasp with a kiss, but not before checking carefully to make sure that the coast was clear, taking particular care to avoid the ever-watchful Mary.

He took her hand and led her out to the fields nearby, he had thought to take her down to the river but they didn't make it that far, he hadn't been able to resist a kiss on the way and the next thing he knew they were both lying down in the long grass with him on top her, cradled between her thighs and kissing each other as if their lives depended on it. If he had been worried about pushing her too far too fast, he needn't have been - every kiss was greeted with a smile against his lips, every move to pull her closer with a sigh, as his tongue begged entrance to her mouth it was welcomed with a moan and as his fingers slid down her body to explore her, he felt her arch into his touch.

It was heavenly.

And who knows how far it would have gone had it not been for…

"What's this?"

She was panting heavily, one hand at the back of his neck pushing him harder against her, the other tangled in his necklace. He didn't respond immediately, he was busy pressing hot open-mouthed kisses against her neck and wondering if it would earn him a slap if he began undressing her. He came back down to earth to discover that she had already long since began undressing him, his shirtfront was open and his necklace was dangling on her chest, attached to which was a ring.

He froze the instant he saw what it was.

"It's a wedding ring."


	19. Chapter 19

XIX

"I don't understand. Why did she not want to marry you?" Guy smiled upon hearing this and considered pulling her close for another kiss but knew that this was certainly not the moment.

"Not everybody thinks so well of me as you do little one"

 _In fact, nobody does._

"Yes but then why agree to an engagement?"

"It is… complicated..." Guy was visibly bristling now "I think she felt she had no choice in the matter."

 _You didn't give her any._

"Was it her father? Was he forcing her to marry you?" Not knowing any better and having lived the life she had lived, it was no wonder that this was Mina's first thought as to what had occurred here.

"No, but he knew I was in a good position to protect her…"

"From what?"

"From the Sheriff"

"Why would she need…?" Mina's voice trailed off upon noticing his thunderous expression. She instinctively knew when it was best to drop a touchy subject and had quickly learned that when it came to Guy, any discussion of the Sheriff was very touchy indeed.

An uncomfortable silence followed. She longed to ask him questions but was scared that he would leave if she did, so she just sat there, trying to think of something to say, torn between wanting to know more about it for herself and not wanting to know anything about it so that he would feel better. It was the moment he tucked the necklace in his shirt that made up her mind whether to say any more on the subject or not.

"You must love her very much."

He froze.

She had him there.

What was it exactly that he felt for Marian?

Did he love her?

That must be what it looks like – he was wearing a wedding ring – the wedding ring that was meant for her - on a necklace around his neck, close to his heart.

For the longest time he said nothing, what could he say in response to that? He really didn't know. The silence dragged on for what seemed like an eternity until he eventually whispered,

"I don't think I know what love is Mina."

* * *

Good riddance to Harold of Winchester.

Guy had often felt remorse for people he'd killed but Winchester was not one of them. The old man had caused more trouble than he could ever know.

Guy had always thought that he knew what it was that he wanted, that he knew his own heart but now he wasn't so sure. He had just been getting used to the situation with Marian – accepting all that had happened between them - her initial coldness towards him, the awkward engagement, the disastrous wedding and more recently her attempts to follow and manipulate him. He thought that he could just ignore how he felt about her, that he would just have to be the master of his feelings and all would be well. But of course it wasn't that simple. Winchester's visit had dragged all those repressed emotions up to the surface and if he had been in turmoil upon leaving Mina standing there in the field at Castlebrook, he was now feeling all of that but on a whole new level.

He cared deeply for Marian, he could no longer deny that, he had hated her for what she had done to him but despite all that, he could now see that it was no use – he cared for her still. Mina had seen it, she seemed to know him better than himself and now he was ever so sorry for it.

He lay upon his bed at Locksley and closed his eyes; he could see the scene in the field now, hear her words and he felt ashamed.

"It's alright you know… I'm just glad to have got the chance to see you again…"

"Mina please…"

"I knew that you would have someone to love… of course… I mean look at you! Master of Arms in Nottingham…" Her attempt at a smile was breaking his heart.

"Please…"

"I always thought you'd be married to a fair lady, living in a grand hall, with little ones running around, wearing you and your servants out…"

He just wanted her to stop, it was agony watching her trying to be cheerful, he could hardly bear it.

"…and one day you will be…"

 _Little one please don't do this._

And so he found himself, for the second time in his life, on the receiving end of one of her consoling hugs whilst she took her leave of him, trying to be brave, trying so hard not to cry and he felt as low as if he had burnt her home to the ground all over again.


	20. Chapter 20

XX

For those who, for whatever reason, have no wish to show their face in Nottingham, Clun has always been a good option nearby. And so it was now for Marian.

Moments after she had discovered her father had died, Guy had given her the tip that the Castle was no longer safe for her. This information was packaged in the most incredibly awkward and badly timed declaration of his feelings for her.

But she could at least be thankful that he had let her know that she was in danger and just in time for Robin to whisk her off upon his horse and out of the Castle gates (In full view of half of Nottingham and all the guards no less (!) – who were now so ridiculously bad at their jobs that it seemed to Marian that Robin could probably set up his entire camp in the courtyard and nobody would notice).

And so she found herself in the Forest… again…

…and grateful to be out of harm's way… again…

…and despite feeling comforted by Robin and the gang's presence, she quickly began to feel somewhat suffocated by their attentions… again.

Grieving is difficult. A heavy burden to bear. Marian was happy to be with Robin and her friends, knowing that they wanted to share that burden, but only to a certain degree. They practically lived on top of each other, this had been a problem for her last time around but now with her father gone she found that it was getting too much for her and she was constantly looking for opportunities to get out of the camp.

It was with this background that she suggested to Robin a trip to Clun to fetch supplies.

Alone.

He didn't like it of course but Marian was nothing if not stubborn and so after a long discussion followed by the usual round of arguing, Marian finally made her way to Clun.

Little did she know that she was not the only one seeking refuge from the attentions of others in Clun.

Allan a Dale just happened to be there too; taking a much needed break from the attentions of his current employers; Guy of Gisborne and Sheriff Vaisey - which was probably a good idea considering that the other day the Sheriff had him fighting against Robin whilst balanced precariously over a vat of boiling hot oil with nothing but an oversized chicken drumstick to protect himself.

Marian was about to approach him to ask him what he was doing there but then thought better of it, Gisborne might be there or perhaps even the Sheriff, no, it would be better to hang back and watch whatever he was getting up to, maybe then she would have more to give Robin on her return than a few supplies. Alas, Allan didn't do much of interest, well, nothing she could tell Robin about anyway, all he did was stand and chat with a girl…

Although…

 _…What if she is working for Gisborne as well?_

Marian resolved on the spot to wait until Allan had finished talking with her and then befriend her, perhaps she would have something of interest to say.

* * *

"Mina, I don't wish to seem overbearing but you should be careful whom you speak to here in Clun" Marian was never one to waste any time when getting to the point and if being overbearing is what got her there then she had no problem with it, no matter what she said about it.

"Allan was only being friendly Lady Marian" Mina replied politely, an amused smile upon her lips; she knew exactly why Allan was being friendly.

"I'm sure he was but you still have to be careful, he works for the Sheriff and Gisborne you know"

Mina's head shot up at this. No, she didn't know that. She knew that Allan and Guy knew each other but the fact that they worked together was certainly news to her.

"He works for Gisborne?" She was staring intently at her new friend now and this made Marian curious.

"Yes, do you know him?"

"A little… Yes... No… that is to say… not so much these days"

She had not seen him at all since that sad evening they kissed and said goodbye in the fields near Castlebrook but then again she didn't expect to. She missed him terribly but knew that it was better this way; he loved another and even if he did have certain feelings for her, it was not as if he would marry her – no he would go on to better things and she would carry on as she always had with her memories of him to console her.

Marian was intrigued at her answer. A spy would never admit to knowing Gisborne. She wanted to ask her more but they were interrupted;

"There you are! I've been looking for you Mina love!"

Mina smiled warmly at Mary but was secretly not too happy to have been found by her for she too had been taking a break from another's attentions in Clun namely Mary's.

Mary, God bless her soul, had noticed that her friend was feeling somewhat low of late and knew that this could only be attributed to a certain man's absence. She had thus decided to do all she could to make her friend feel better not realising that often all Mina wanted was to be alone. The older woman was only trying to do her a kindness; Mina knew this very well but sometimes found herself struggling with the well-meaning attempts to cheer her up.

"I just saw that lad - you know which one I mean don't you Mina?" Mina certainly did and nodded an affirmative, "sniffin' round you again was he?" Mary smiled broadly, it seemed that her friend was not to be left in peace no matter how she might be feeling about men of late,

"Yes, Allan was being friendly." She rolled her eyes as she said this, making Mary chuckle.

Mina didn't want to talk any more about Allan, or indeed any man, and so took the opportunity to introduce Mary to her new friend. Mary was happy to see that Mina had made a new acquaintance and decided to invite Marian to lunch and so it was that half an hour later the ladies were chatting animatedly over lunch and mugs of ale in Castlebrook.

"Are you married Mina?" Marian had seen no husband around but for all she knew he could be at work

"No, she isn't Lady Marian, but if it keeps on like this, I think our lovely Mina here will be married before the year is out!" This was not the first time Mary had said something like this, Mina had heard this one a few times before. She sighed and shook her head; she sometimes wished she could scowl as well as Guy did,

"Mary, I've told you, not a chance."

Marian chuckled at the banter between her new friends but watched Mina closely all the while,

"You wouldn't be sayin' that if Sir Guy were here!"

Marian froze and nearly choked on a bite of her food upon hearing this.

"It wouldn't make a blind bit of difference what I said if Guy were here Mary, for he has no more thought of marrying me than he has the Sheriff!" Marian could hear a note of dejection in Mina's voice hidden underneath layers of impatience,

"Aye, maybe you're right there Mina love but it didn't stop him taking you out to the fields and…"

"Mary! We didn't do anything!"

"Well I hope you're tellin' the truth dear, for I wouldn't want for you to have to go takin' a babe to the woods…"

Marian's eyes were bugging now.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

She didn't know what shocked her more, that the girl sat opposite her was Gisborne's lover or that it seemed to be the custom in this village to take unwanted children into the woods.

 _…Just a short trip to Clun Robin… no I just want to make myself useful… no really it's nothing special just going to fetch supplies… no it will be totally boring… no what could possibly be interesting in Clun?_

 _Oh Marian, what have you got yourself into here?_


	21. Chapter 21

XXI

"Nuns."

"I beg your pardon Mary?" Marian wondered if, for all of her friendly welcome, Mary was in fact a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

"Nuns Lady Marian."

"Sorry I don't quite follow you."

"Well I see you lookin' quite green at what I just said and I figured that what with you being a good girl and a fine Lady that you wouldn't know about such things…" Marian was bamboozled now and looked at Mina to see if she would perhaps elaborate on what Mary was wittering on about. Mina for her part seemed to understand what it was her companion was saying and so offered no comment.

"Look here you must be thinking we all go leavin' our littl'uns in the forest or something like that but you should know that no woman ever wants to do such a thing but sometimes it can't be helped…" Marian must have looked utterly horrified at this statement for Mary hastily continued,

"…sometimes a woman already has many littl'uns and can't manage with another mouth to feed… sometimes 'tis a young girl who has got with child out of wedlock… sometimes even menfolk takes babes to the woods – aye, there's many a man ashamed of havin' sired a bastard or had to give a child up for fear of losin' a position or the like…"

None of this was making Marian feel any better for she still sat there totally shell-shocked.

"…oh look now you look as if you shall faint you poor thing!" Mary tried to reassure her by placing a hand on her forearm and squeezing gently, "You shouldn't fret my dear for the littl'uns come to no harm; the Nuns from Rufford come and take them to the convent."

Marian finally understood.

She looked at Mina who nodded to reassure her.

"The Nuns take them and look after them?"

"Yes, they take good care of them my dear." Mary smiled upon seeing their guest looking a little better.

"Have you ever…?" Marian began to ask for she wondered how her new friends knew so much about this subject,

"Lord no not me! But I did know a few poor souls who have had to do it. It is very sad my Lady, a terrible thing to have to do even if the Nuns do look after them…"

Mary continued explaining but Marian didn't hear any more.

She was thinking of Guy. Picturing Guy in her mind, placing his son in the woods. She had thought him utterly heartless but now...

Now it all made sense.

She had never thought to ask him about it, to hear his side of the story and neither had anybody else, they had all just assumed and thought no more about it...

Vaisey had not known about the child, Guy must have taken great pains to keep it a secret from him, knowing all the while that he could not keep him. What would Vaisey have done had he known? It didn't bear thinking about. He would have taken the child from Guy. He would have used the boy as leverage. Who knows what Guy would've had to do to protect his son? Marian shuddered, she had never understood the hold Vaisey had over Gisborne but she was appalled to think that it could have been even worse.

Guy had known it all along. That Vaisey could hurt or even kill his child.

That explained why he hadn't personally delivered the child to Kirklees as he had promised Annie; Vaisey would've found out if Guy had gone or paid someone else to do it.

And so, he left his boy for the Nuns.

"Lady Marian? Are you alright?" Mina asked her, her tone gentle, her eyes sympathetic. Mary had wandered off now to clean the dishes.

"Yes, I'm fine it's… it's just a lot to take in that's all." Marian smiled politely but Mina could see she was lost in her thoughts

"It's not a very pleasant topic for your visit here, I'm sorry for that; I hope we can now talk of something else." Mina smiled trying to put her new friend at ease

"No, no it's fine. I have spoken a few times of going to Rufford and then not gone through with it – I suppose I would've already known about the children being raised there had I actually done as I'd intended"

"You wanted to go to a convent?" Mina raised one eyebrow; becoming a nun was not a common choice for noble Ladies such as Marian,

 _Yes to get away from your lover. He thinks I'm at one now._

"Yes, I err… sometimes feel that way inclined." Marian could be a very convincing liar, but in this moment not so much; Mina could tell this wasn't the truth.

"But surely your husband or admirers would be sad if you did such a thing?" Mina felt like cringing as she said this but then again flattery was as good a way as any other to winkle information out of people,

 _Yes, I suppose my admirers would be. Still it's always an option if I get fed up of them both, which happens to be often._

"Alas I have no husband and am perhaps too much for most men be they admirers or not."

 _Not a word of a lie there._

"And what about you Mina? Do you find that you are sometimes driven to madness by men and consider retiring to a convent?" they both laughed at this,

"Well yes, I did consider it back when I was married…" Mina had Marian's full attention once more with this statement

"You were married?"

"Yes, I am a widow."

"I am sorry to hear that, you are too young to be a widow already."

"Yes, that may be but I am not sorry Lady Marian – my husband was not a kind man and six years was an unhappy eternity with him at my side."

 _Six years!? How old are you? Good God, you must have been a child bride!_

"And now you are sick of men?" Marian smiled wanly, watching Mina's reactions closely

"Yes Lady Marian, I suppose I am." Mina sighed and smiled but her eyes were pure sadness. Marian had no wish to make her friend sad but she very much wanted to know what had occurred with Gisborne.

"You sound broken-hearted…"

Mina sighed. She knew that it was no use – Mary had already said too much and now she couldn't avoid talking about Guy.

"He loves another."

It took Marian every ounce of self-control not to start upon hearing this. All of a sudden, she felt very ashamed. It left a bitter taste in her mouth to be having this conversation and to know that she was the source of this girl's misery. She wouldn't reveal her connection to Gisborne, that much she had known from the start but now it made her feel terrible – Mina was laid so bare and she was hiding behind the guise of a friend. Her unease must have shown on her face for Mina attempted a smile

"Don't worry Lady Marian, it is for the best. He is a nobleman - a Knight no less and will marry a fine Lady such as yourself, I am just glad for the time we spent together for he made me very happy."

"And yet I think he may have used you ill Mina, if you have lain together…" Marian was thinking of Annie as she said this.

"We haven't! I know what Mary said but it is not true! He has made me no promise and broken no vow! I know better than to think that I could ever marry such a man but still I cannot help but care for him." Mina was speaking faster and faster as her emotions took hold of her completely

"I cannot explain to you all that he means to me, that I can explain to no one. All I can say is that I am not sorry, no, I am not sorry for any of it, not one single moment that I spent with him and if that is all I am to have then I am incredibly grateful." She was nearly panting now and Marian could do no other than watch her transfixed,

"and I thank the Lord for it is more than I could have ever hoped for - poor penniless widow that I am."


	22. Chapter 22

XXII

It was late afternoon as Marian arrived back at camp and the first thing she did was go to Robin to tell him all that she'd found out in Clun. However she never got that far, for as she was about to tell him the whole story, she was abruptly cut off by him giving her a lecture about staying out so long. This put her on the defensive from the get go and had her wondering what had happened to the tender concerned lover he had been of late and why had he been replaced by this nagging housewife now stood before her. She figured that he would however come round to her way of thinking upon hearing what it was she had to say but no; Robin didn't want to hear about Gisborne right now, he had much more important things to think about like worrying about her and why it had taken her so long to fetch a few supplies from Clun…

Marian felt as if she could strangle him.

Not so long ago he had been very interested in Gisborne and what his enemy had been getting up to - he'd even asked her if she could keep an eye on him and now that she knew what it was Guy had been doing, now that she had the answers he didn't want to hear about it.

Marian thought about the conversation she'd had with Mina earlier about retiring to a convent and wondered if it was not too late to sign up for it.

 _God save me from idiotic men._

And so Marian did what she usually did in these situations and stormed off in a huff. She wasn't very far from the camp when it occurred to her that she now had nowhere to storm off to. She couldn't go home to her father as she had always done, for she no longer had a home or a father. And she couldn't go back to the Castle, for as much as she would like to confront Guy with what she now knew about him, there was the problem of the Sheriff wanting to hang her.

It was with these thoughts in mind that she swallowed her pride and went back to camp. She gave Robin a wide berth for the rest of the evening and said very little, if he didn't want to hear what she had to say then so be it.

* * *

Robin Hood certainly had some interesting ideas about how to treat his beloved.

If he had thought that Marian would appreciate being tied up whilst the Sheriff's guards attacked Clun nearby then he was sorely mistaken. Telling her to go cook his dinner didn't exactly help fan the flames of her passion for him either - that went down about as well as the time that Gisborne confessed his feelings for her just after she'd discovered her father was dead.

The menfolk of Nottingham had some strange ideas about women indeed.

And it kept on getting stranger…

Just when she thought Robin couldn't be topped in strangeness enter Gisborne once more to raise the bar.

She had arranged to meet him with every intention of disclosing what she knew, she had wanted to ask him about Mina, if he loved her as much as she obviously loved him, she had wanted to ask him what his intentions towards that lady had been, she had wanted to know what exactly had occurred between them.

But as it so often goes with the best laid plans…

The conversation began as Marian had expected; with Guy's usual disbelieving comments concerning her desire to become a Nun – why did nobody ever believe her? One of these days she would show them all - in fact if it carried on like this she really would do it!

But then Guy was once again in full-on confession of feelings mode and all Marian could do was stand there overwhelmed, whilst wondering how far he was planning to go with this.

She was ashamed to admit it, even to herself, but he remained intensely fascinating for her. And although at the time she could hardly believe the conversation they were having, (one highlight from him being the extremely awkward and downright creepy exclamation: "What better way to grieve than to create new life!?"), she made no move to resist him as he leaned in to kiss her.

Still then again it was perhaps no wonder that he seemed to connect grieving with sex, for moments later despite all of her talk of grieving she was pulling him in for a clinch and kissing him like there's no tomorrow. It may well have been to distract him from an escaping Robin but still, if that isn't an example of mixed signals then what is!?

"This was a mistake…"

"Marian this wasn't a mistake; this was the most perfect thing that's ever happened!"

 _God what a mess._

"I'm grieving Guy."

 _Careful now, if you keep saying that to him, who knows where this will end!?_

It was a dangerous game she was playing here, and as much as she liked to think she was in control - Guy had unsettled her once again. Every time she thought she knew what was going to happen next, what she was going to say to him and what he was going to say to her, it all unravelled and she was reminded of how little control she actually had - over the situation, over him and most alarmingly over herself.

It was in this moment that Marian thought of Mina and could not help but feel envy.

Mina knew who she was.

Mina knew her own heart.

Mina was accepting and grateful.

In this strange world that was certainly something to be envious of.


	23. Chapter 23

XXIII

Mina was worried.

She had been in Clun the past few days, helping out there as best she could in the aftermath of the attack by the Sheriff's guards and what she had seen there had left her shaken. As soon as she had heard about the attack she had feared the worst – she was of course familiar with such devastation having witnessed the destruction of her own village all those years ago and it was with a feeling of deepest dread that she had made her way over there to see what, if anything, she could do.

It was little consolation to anybody that the attack in Clun had not been as bad as what had taken place in Castlebrook. The houses may have been left standing but the scene in Clun was very much the same; many injured and in pain, many mourning, many shocked and scared, many lost and despairing. Mina may have experienced a similar fate to these people but still she could not take away their pain or tell them how to pick up the pieces as much as she wanted to.

On top of that, there had been many losses amongst the Sheriff's men and in those first moments upon arriving in Clun, Mina had been terrified she would be confronted with the sight of Guy amongst the dead. She was however not the only woman to love a man on 'the side of the aggressors' – as she searched amongst the dead, she found herself witness to the heart-breaking scene of one of the village woman mourning her husband – one of the guards who lay there slain like so much meat.

What had been the point of all this? What had it all been for? It seemed so senseless…

She longed to see Guy, to check if he was ok, what if he was injured? It scared her to think that he might be. Although nobody had said anything about him being involved in the attack, she could not be certain that it was not the case and as much as she wanted to ask the villagers if they had seen him, she knew it would not go down well if she did. She also wished to know why Clun had been attacked, what had the Sheriff to gain from terrorizing the poor souls there?

Her thoughts also turned to Castlebrook; it terrified her to think that Clun might be just the beginning, that the Sheriff may turn his attentions to other villages such as her own, and that she might end up watching Castlebrook burn all over again.

It was on the third day since the attack that she began to think of leaving. She did not want to go but she did not think she could stand to stay and live in fear of history repeating itself.

In the aftermath there was much talk of the events in Clun but not just the events in Clun; it was not long before the conversation turned to many of the Sheriff's past atrocities and the part that Guy had played in many of them. It pained her to hear of such things and it was enormously difficult to reconcile the man that she knew with what she was now so often hearing about him, but mostly she just felt sad, scared, and helpless.

Perhaps it would be better to go away, to leave it all behind her - for it was not looking much like there would be a happy ending to this story here – they were all at the mercy of a very cruel master; Guy, herself, the people of Nottingham, Clun, and Castlebrook and there was little any of them could do about it.

It had lately become her custom to steal away of an evening and sit by the river to think things over and this was just what she was doing, leaning against the old oak tree, her head in her hands as she felt warm fingers curl gently around her wrists and pull her into an embrace.

She knew straight away who it was.

She wondered for a split second if she was dreaming but then as his warm body enveloped hers, she was perhaps the happiest she had ever been to discover that she was not.

"Are you alright?" Guy whispered in her ear, placing a kiss just above it. She nodded and squeezed him tighter, overwhelmed with relief, joy, and a million other emotions; she had so longed to see him and now it was so incredibly wonderful that he was here with her that she felt herself begin to weep. He held her close, eyes closed, nuzzling into her, stroking her hair and whispering endearments – it was purest bliss.

"I have been worried little one." He tilted her head up to his, placing a worshipping kiss upon her lips. She returned the kiss, deepening it, tears still spilling down her cheeks.

"I was worried about you" she spoke these words against his lips and felt a little smile form against her own before he kissed her again, shifting as he did so from his knees into a sitting position and pulling her into his lap. They kissed for a long time, neither wanting to stop, lost to everything but each other. He eventually managed to pull his lips from hers to get a look at her; she had stopped weeping now and gave him a little smile,

"Were you there?" his voice remained a whisper as before, there was no need to say any more for she knew exactly where he was speaking of,

"No. Were you?" she was looking at him directly now, he shook his head,

"No, the attack was a plan of the Sheriff and a mercenary – to lure Robin Hood out of hiding."

"The whole thing was just to lure an outlaw?" she was horrified. He nodded and shifted uncomfortably beneath her. She couldn't believe it – so much carnage and for what? To catch one man - this was too terrible for her to comprehend. She had heard villagers talking of Robin Hood, that he and others had come to their rescue; little did they know that he was the reason for the attack!

"Did it even work? Did they catch him?"

"Yes but he escaped." He sighed, he knew this sounded utterly pathetic and come to think of it, it was. She shook her head not knowing what to make of this new information.

"I'm sorry Mina."

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything."

"No but it doesn't make any difference - if the Sheriff had wanted me to attack Clun then I would have." She was about to interrupt him but he continued, "You know this. You have seen it. You have seen what I can do to a village if the Sheriff demands it."

He expected her to pull away from him but she didn't. Or be disgusted with him but she wasn't. He expected anger or disappointment or disapproval but none came.

He didn't expect her to sit for a while in silence, trying to understand him before finally asking him:

"Can you not break with him Guy?"

He smiled sadly.

 _God I don't deserve you._

"It is too late for me little one."

She sighed and nuzzled against him.

She did not know his reasons but she could guess. Vaisey would never let Guy go because he had served him for so long and knew far too much. If Guy left, the Sheriff would move heaven and earth to find him, he was too much of a threat.

She was thinking of this as he gently placed her upon the ground. She was worried that he was going to leave but instead he merely walked over to his horse and retrieved something from the saddlebags. He walked back towards her, sat down opposite her and placed two small bags between them. He took her hands in his and with a sad and solemn look on his face began to speak once more.

"Mina, I don't want to hurt you."

She frowned not understanding what he was getting at.

"I know you wouldn't"

"I'm scared that at some point I won't have any choice." He stared intensely at her as he said this and she didn't know what to make of it,

"What do you mean?"

"You have seen what the Sheriff is capable of."

"But you wouldn't…"

"We both know that I would do my Master's bidding."

She understood him. The Sheriff had complete control and there was no way out for Guy. She looked to the ground, she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, and if she looked at him, she feared she would cry. He tilted his head to try to look her directly in the eyes.

"You should leave this place."

"But it is my home…"

"It is not safe. As long as Vaisey is in power here…" He placed the bags in her hands, they may have been small but they were heavy and filled to the brim with coins. Now she realised what he was doing - he was making it possible for her to leave, she could no longer stop herself from breaking down.

"I want you to take this; it is for yourself and Mary. Take it." He slid his hands up to her face, cupping her jaw, thumbs ghosting over her cheeks and placed feather light kisses upon her, trying to kiss away her tears.

"But what about you?" She whispered pulling away a fraction to look into his eyes,

"I shall see it through to the end." His voice had a finality she couldn't argue with. She began to sob bitterly, shaking her head.

"Guy, I can't leave you."

He pulled her into a tight embrace.

"You can and you must."


	24. Chapter 24

XXIV

Human beings are one of the very few species upon the earth to worship the ideal of monogamous love. And as romantic and beautiful a concept it is, the truth is that for many, this concept does not fit. Indeed how could it? There are so many different people in this great wide world, how can one ideal of love apply to us all?

Perhaps we are more like other species that we would like to admit and as much as our sentimental side rebels at the notion, it is absolutely possible to love two people at the same time.

One could argue that in such a case that the love in question could not be a great love or that the person who loves is not loving with their whole heart but then again, how exactly does one quantify how great a love is? And what of other forms of love other than romantic love, such as for example, familial love? Is our love for our parents or siblings diminished by having more than one parent or sibling? Of course not. We love our family members with our whole heart and having more than one person to love in this way does not diminish our love in any way.

Please do not misunderstand dear reader; this is not a treatise to cheat on your spouse – we have not totally lost the plot here, it is merely an attempt to understand that at this point in the story, our man – Sir Guy of Gisborne was very much in love with two people.

We cannot see into his head, we cannot read his mind, we cannot see what he was thinking or feeling, but on that summer night in Castlebrook, as he lay by the river entwined with Mina - one of the women he loved, he loved as only a man could love who knows he shall not see his love again – that is to say with his whole heart and nothing less.

He made a small fire and they lay down beside it, touching and talking, kissing and caressing, being everything to each other before the morning came and they would have to part.

It was here that he finally found the courage to tell her of his life, to answer her many questions, to take comfort in whatever consolation she could give and to unburden himself of so much he'd had to carry with him for as long as he could remember.

He talked of his childhood on the Gisborne estate, of his parents and sister and of the sad fate that had befallen them all. He talked of his youth, of swearing fealty to Vaisey, of having to prove himself and all that had entailed – not leaving out the dark day he and Mina had stood embracing in the ruins of Castlebrook all those years ago. He talked of Vaisey and his schemes, the terrible things that he'd had to do to satisfy a man who was never satisfied and how it never seemed to end; there was always another person in the way, another enemy to be defeated, another setback to their plans. He talked of how he had come to live with it all – the man he'd had to become to live this life, where doing the most godawful things was practically routine.

He talked of his former betrothed who Mina was astounded to learn was the very same Lady Marian who had sat eating lunch with herself and Mary a day before the attack on Clun. It shocked and angered her that the lady had deliberately withheld having any connection to Guy and she wondered what motive could Marian have had to deceive her so. She wanted to ask Guy about it but then decided to let it be, to let him tell her of all that had happened between them - the engagement, the failed wedding, the aftermath and the current situation. She could see that in many respects he was taken in; that everything between Marian and Guy was on her terms, she was receptive to his advances when it suited but then had no problem to leave him high and dry when not. It made her blood boil to hear him speak of Marian as if she was some innocent but she held her tongue – she hardly knew the woman and had not had the opportunity to hear her side of the story. She also knew that her own love of Guy and the jealousy she naturally felt where Marian was concerned was clouding her judgement here. As Guy then told her that Marian had recently lost her father that cemented her decision to remain silent on the subject, she knew all too well the pain of loss and could not speak ill of somebody currently suffering such pain.

And so she let him tell her all he wanted and needed to tell her and made no move to interrupt.

And because she loved him, and was the only person to have ever listened to him in this way, he laid it all bare and told her everything; from attempting to assassinate the King to the never ending cat and mouse chase with the outlaws, from the appalling things Vaisey had on occasion done to him to the desperate hope that maybe someday Marian might learn to love him.

He told her and she listened to it all.

He talked on into the night - sometimes burying his face in her hair so she would not see the tears welling in his eyes, sometimes pulling her so close she could hardly breathe, sometimes kissing her with such abandon that she knew not how she had lived all this time without having tasted such kisses.

It was in the last hours before the dawn that he made love to her by the embers of the fire and as they lay sleepily kissing in the afterglow, he slipped the stone into her palm.

Their story had come full circle.

He was giving back to her the gift she had given him all those years ago.

The way she looked at him, the look of wonder on her face as she realised what it was he had just given to her was an image he hoped would never fade from his memory for all of his remaining days.

"You kept it?"

"Yes little one, I did."


	25. Chapter 25

XXV

Allan a Dale often regretted having changed sides.

He tried to make the best of it, he really did, but it wasn't easy - if life in the forest had been difficult, it was a picnic compared to his current situation in the Castle: His superiors here, well actually one superior in particular was slowly driving him mad.

He slunk off to the Castle kitchens, one of his favourite places to keep out of the way of a certain bad tempered man in leather, when he suddenly had an idea.

"Hey Sarah, I was wonderin'…"

Sarah worked in the kitchens of Nottingham Castle. She was one of the servants who was… how shall we put it… more generous with her affections.

"Yes Allan?" her tone was affectionately suspicious.

"Would you mind doin' me a favour?" Sarah rolled her eyes, if she had a coin for every time he asked her this…

"What kind of favour Allan?"

"It's err… it's about Gisborne…" her face darkened upon hearing this and her expression could now be described as unaffectionately suspicious, "…would you err… keep him company for a bit?"

She scowled – she knew exactly what he meant by 'keep him company'.

"No I would not you cheeky bugger!" The food she was currently preparing was now bearing the brunt of her ire, Allan hoped it wasn't for the Sheriff; the last thing he needed right now was having the Sheriff's breakfast being thrown at his head.

"Aww come on! He's been unbearable lately an' I reckon you'd cheer 'im up no end!" Allan tried his most charming grin, Sarah wasn't going for it though;

"No Allan!"

"Aww please Sarah, ever since Maz went to the convent he's been a nightmare…"

"Well then, perhaps you should go runnin' off to the convent an' all!"

Rosie, a fellow servant who was eavesdropping nearby, laughed so hard at this she nearly dropped a tray full of dishes.

"Very funny." He had to admit that it was quite.

"I'll have you know I'm good with nuns!" he grinned broadly,

"I bet you bloody are!" Sarah retorted, quirking one eyebrow. They were all grinning now.

"So err… will you think about it?"

"No I will not Allan!" she barged past him and stormed off towards the main hall with the mangled meal she had just prepared in hand. Allan stood there for a moment wondering whether to follow her but then upon noticing he was not alone in the room turned his attentions to Rosie who was busy washing the dishes. She cut him off before he could say a word,

"No Allan! Not a chance! Forget it!"

"Aww please Rosie! He's not so bad y'know? He just needs a way to unwind…"

"Unwind? From what I heard he was off out all night 'unwinding' a few days back and it hasn't cheered him up at all has it?"

"You what?" Allan wondered if he was hearing correctly.

"Yeah, out all night - stable lads saw him riding in the other morning."

"Nah. He would've been at Locksley."

"He wasn't. Thornton hasn't seen hide nor hair of him all week."

Well this was most interesting.

Allan was for once dumbfounded.

He knew that Gisborne had been staying at the Castle since Sunday and so if he hadn't been to Locksley then where…?

He stood there in the kitchen a few moments longer before deciding to go and check this out for himself.

He had heard the rumours about Gisborne, that he had a lover and that was where he was always riding off to, Allan had however seen no evidence of his boss riding off anywhere recently, in fact the Master of Arms had been infuriatingly present at all times - 'mooning over the leper' as the Sheriff would put it, and becoming increasingly stroppy the longer Marian stayed away.

He couldn't help but be intrigued by all of this - he had always considered himself astute when it came to people and their motives but Gisborne was different and it seemed that just as he thought he had managed to work him out, something happened to change everything and he felt he really didn't know the man at all. For example, if anybody had spent a lot of time with Gisborne lately, as Allan had done, they could only conclude that the Knight was crazy about Marian. But now he was hearing that Gisborne had been out all night and why else do people stay out all night if not for…?

Allan would've gone to the stables to enquire about the matter there but then the man he was currently so puzzled about appeared and demanded that he go with him to Locksley.

He wondered what terrible tasks awaited them, expecting the worst and of course, he was not to be disappointed…

…he and the boss had a birthday party to organise.

* * *

Guy thought that it might be time to give up on organizing any kind of events or celebrations.

Despite all the care taken in the planning, it always somehow ended up nothing like he'd imagined.

At his party for the King's birthday, where he had announced that Marian had become his betrothed, all the guests and his intended were robbed by outlaws.

At his Wedding, his bride-to-be had punched him in the face and run off with another bloke who just happened to be one of the aforementioned outlaws.

His birthday party today had, he supposed, gone well for the most part, except that it had to be quickly abandoned in favour of going searching for a special pigeon.

You couldn't script it really could you?

Ah well, at least he got a decent present. He smiled as he thought of Marian. Hood had left her up in a tree - practically gift-wrapped for him.

 _Thank you Locksley. A most thoughtful gift. I'll take good care of her for you._


	26. Chapter 26

XXVI

Sir Guy of Gisborne had to admit that this was a low point even for him.

In a life filled with an impressive collection of low points to look back on, this was right up there (or down there?) with some of his finest.

He sat on the floor of his room brooding and had been doing this for quite some time when he heard Vaisey loudly complaining about something in the corridor.

He didn't rouse himself to see what was going on because he didn't care; he had just spent the best part of an hour being yelled at by the Sheriff and so was not particularly inclined to assist with any further problems, grievances or whims that man might have right now.

Apparently, it was his fault that the Sheriff went on a long sleepwalking escapade - staying out all day, whilst Prince John's men laid siege to Nottingham. Yes, it was his fault that the entire town and everybody in it had come within an inch of being completely wiped out by a glorified messenger who apparently has no qualms about flattening a town and killing all its inhabitants so long as his cousin gets a building contract out of it. And of course it was his fault that the Sheriff misplaced the pact. Yes, it was his fault that the Sheriff couldn't keep hold of a large f***ing scroll long enough to bring it back with him to the Castle and save the bloody day.

One might think that that was what he was feeling low about but no; that was just another example of the normal absurdity that came with his profession, just another routine dressing down from the Sheriff, just another day at the Castle, just another ride on the bullshit merry-go-round.

No, the Sheriff was not the culprit or the cause of his misery, as worthless as he often made Guy feel, that honour went to another on this most trying of days.

He surveyed the scene before him and it reminded him very much of another sad day not all so long ago. He had sat here, right in this spot, slumped against the wall, feeling low because Marian had not wanted to marry him. And now here he was again, he might not have gotten drunk and wrecked his room this time but everything else was as before, and when confronted with the choice between death or marrying him, Marian had chosen death.

 _Not much of a boost for the ego eh Gisborne?_

It certainly wasn't.

How unworthy must he be in her eyes if death is preferable to being with him?

A part of him liked to think that she had meant what she said about not wanting to abandon the people of Nottingham and that had been the reason for her rejection but his gut told him that this was not the reason. His gut told him if it had been a certain somebody else making the offer, her answer would have been a different one.

He sat there fumbling with his Mother's hairclip, he wished so very much he could talk with her now, she would've known what to do… his thoughts then drifted to a different hairclip and a different lady.

 _You would've married me little one…_

It was enormous consolation to know that at least there was someone somewhere in this world who loved him.

That was one thing he could finally say for himself.

That was one thing he could hold on to.

That was one thing he had not had the last time he had sat here like this.

And that was a lot.

He may be able to look back on an impressive collection of low points - like so many pebbles on a beach but as he considered this one beautiful thing in his life, this one little pebble amongst all the others, he could honestly say that it had all been worth it.

He was alive.

By the grace of God he, Marian and all the others, still lived.

And Mina was safe, far away from this place.

He pulled himself up from the floor and walked over to the window. He looked out at the streets of Nottingham and could only stare in wonder at the peaceful scene before him. Looking at the place now, one could hardly believe that the entire town had been in total chaos a few hours earlier - the contrast was incredible.

If such change was possible in such a short time what else could happen?

What could tomorrow bring?


	27. Chapter 27

XXVII

 **It will never end.**

Guy was sitting in a Chapel in Locksley with his head in his hands as it happened.

It stopped him dead, cutting through all else.

It was as if a voice was speaking to him, telling him this one thing. He didn't know if it was his own voice, if it came from him, from somewhere deep in his soul, all he knew is that what it had to say changed everything.

Last night, as he'd looked upon the streets of Nottingham, he'd been in awe of how quickly things change and now here he was the morning after, coming to terms with the bitter realisation that some things never change.

Upon hearing from the Sheriff this morning that he was to 'reacquire Locksley for military purposes' that is, to evict all the villagers from his own estate to make way for mercenaries, he'd felt his stomach lurch. As he and the guards arrived and began to remove the people from their homes, he'd felt as if he might be physically sick.

 _Yet another village…_

He didn't let it show, he dare not but as he'd looked upon the villagers of Locksley hastily gathering up whatever possessions they had, the mothers and fathers bundling up their young children and retreating to the forest, he'd felt overwhelmed by shame and regret.

And then Marian had arrived.

That had given him the rest.

 **It will never end.**

He was done.

He knew it.

He couldn't go on like this.

 _ **No more.**_

He walked out of the Chapel as if in a trance. Allan was still stood where he'd left him.

"Look Giz, I know you're not best pleased with me but I'm tellin' you all I know honest." He looked warily at the Master of Arms trying to gage Guy's mood before continuing, "Robin has a winter store an' I reckon the food he's nicked has ended up there"

Guy nodded and said nothing. It took him a moment to remember the conversation from earlier and realise what Allan was talking about but then as he did so, he found that he didn't care. He really couldn't care less about any of it. Allan was looking at him strangely.

"You alright Giz?"

 _No Allan._

 _I don't think I am… and I haven't been for a long time… but just maybe I will be…_

"Yes, I'm fine." He looked directly at Allan now and a strange fondness for the outlaw came over him all of a sudden, "Go to the Store, take this lot with you…," he gestured to the guards.

"You're not coming?" Allan was frowning, this was not normal; Gisborne had very nearly punched him earlier over these food supplies for the mercenaries and now he wasn't coming to retrieve them?

Guy shook his head and said quietly, "You can take care of it."

He gave Allan a parting smirk and began to walk away. Allan stood there as if fixed to the spot with his jaw hanging open, at a loss for words.

"Oh and Allan?" he shouted over his shoulder as he walked off, "Be careful."

Allan watched Gisborne striding off in the direction of Locksley Manor and wondered what that had been about. He could honestly say he had no idea. He stood there a few moments longer trying to wrap his head around the puzzle that was his boss; Sir Guy of Gisborne; the never-ending riddle, before he shrugged and set off in the other direction.

* * *

"Can I trust you Thornton?"

"My Lord?"

Thornton, Gisborne's eternally patient manservant, eyed him warily.

 _Oh yes Thornton, you might well look wary._

"Would you do something for me?"

"Certainly my Lord."

"I need you to find Lord Huntingdon." It sounded strange to hear Robin's title coming from his own lips.

Thornton frowned; he could not help but think the worst.

"No Thornton, you mistake me, it is not for me that I ask you to do this..." Thornton still looked wary, "…and whatever you may believe I am not doing this for the Sheriff either." Guy looked directly at Thornton now, and it put Thornton off guard, there was something different here; something different in his master's eyes - this was not the usual way he went about things, it was a request as oppose to a command,

"It is for Marian."

Guy placed in Thornton's hand three letters he had hastily written upon arriving at Locksley Manor before summoning Thornton into the study: one was for Robin, one for Marian and one for Allan.

"But why…?"

"Please, find Robin. Give him his letter first. I cannot do this myself; I am taking my leave shortly."

Thornton's eyes widened in shock.

"You are leaving? Where are you going?"

"Away… I cannot say where." Guy gave Thornton a meaningful look and Thornton nodded, not sure if he was understanding this properly or how to respond,

"Thornton, the Sheriff will come. He will look for me. Please be careful. Locksley will help you I'm sure."

If Thornton had been shocked before he was astonished now.

As Gisborne had told him was going away, Thornton had assumed that he was going away with the Sheriff, or at the Sheriff's bidding but that he was taking his leave of the man he had served for so many years seemed unfathomable.

"It is of utmost importance Thornton, please do not delay."

Guy stood up and stretched forth his hand for a parting handshake; Thornton didn't take it straight away for he was still somewhat in a daze but then as Guy tentatively took a step forward, he brought his eyes up to his master and took Guy's hand with both of his own, squeezing tightly.

"I am grateful to you." Guy gave Thornton a smile and Thornton found himself dazed once more - he had rarely seen his master smile and never like this, it was as if years had melted off him and the boy he had once known was now stood before him.

Guy then took his leave of the manservant. Not long after he left the Manor as well.

Thornton stood on the threshold of the house and watched as Sir Guy of Gisborne rode off into the distance before carefully placing the letters into his coat pocket and making his way out into the forest.


	28. Chapter 28

XXVIII

 _You can be sure that if I had the time, I would write a great many things to you Robin of Locksley._

 _Alas, time is not a luxury I have this day._

 _I inform you herewith of my departure from Locksley, Nottingham and the Sheriff's service._

 _I inform you in particular because my leaving the Castle puts Marian in danger._

 _You must ensure her removal from the Castle immediately._

 _Take good care of her. I don't doubt that you will._

 _Guy of Gisborne._

 _P.S. What possessions of mine that remain at Locksley I leave to Marian as apology for the wrongs I have done her. Please see to it that she takes ownership before the Sheriff arrives to take possession._

* * *

 _Dear Marian,_

 _I am sorry._

 _I wish we could have met at a different time, in a different place and under different circumstances, perhaps then I could have become a kinder, braver and better man – a man worthy of you._

 _At least now, I can finally see that with the way things are, it will never happen._

 _The only kindness I can now grant you is the one you asked me for, the one I should have granted you a long time ago – I shall leave you be._

 _I wish I could put right the wrongs I have done by you but I think we both know that it is too late for that. I leave you the remainder of my possessions at Locksley, it is of course, no substitute for all that I have taken from you, but it is, under the circumstances, the best I can do._

 _I now leave this place. You have nothing more to fear from me._

 _Guy of Gisborne_

 _P.S. You should know that Allan did not willingly betray your cause – he was coerced; he had no choice._

 _Locksley would be a fool not to take him back._

* * *

 _You are a shrewd man Allan, and I have reason to believe that when the dust settles, that is to say when the Sheriff gets over the shock of my departure and calms down, that he will offer you my job._

 _Don't do it._

 _Don't even think about it._

 _Leave the Castle._

 _You are not sworn to the Sheriff, you owe him nothing._

 _You can believe me when I tell you it is best to keep it that way._

 _Be careful._

 _Guy of Gisborne_


	29. Chapter 29

XXIX

That Sheriff Vaisey left most of the dirty work to his second in command was not something that Guy had ever been thankful for. On this day however, it was a blessing for it allowed him to put good distance between himself and all he was leaving behind before the Sheriff noticed he was gone.

It was not only fortunate for him.

Thornton knew that it was only a matter of time before the Sheriff descended on Locksley looking for his Lieutenant and so he was most eager to find Robin, Marian and Allan before his Lordship did so.

He was not only lucky that the Sheriff was busy elsewhere, still blissfully none the wiser, he was also incredibly fortunate that the three people he needed to find just happened to be in the forest that morning. And although he didn't know the location of Robin's camp, it was not long before he stumbled upon a man who did - Allan a Dale.

Gisborne's sidekick was with the Sheriff's guards, reclaiming the supplies that had been stolen by Robin from the mercenaries' convoy, as Thornton approached him. Needless to say, he did not in a million years expect what Thornton had come to tell him.

He was at first disbelieving, the Master of Arms he knew, would never abandon his post; he was far too loyal to the Sheriff. Allan had not been long in his employ but he had seen enough to know that whatever Vaisey demanded, Guy delivered, often at great personal cost to himself. However as Thornton handed over the letter, it left him in no doubt; it bore Gisborne's seal, and he recognised the handwriting.

 _You are a shrewd man Allan, and I have reason to believe that when the dust settles, that is to say when the Sheriff gets over the shock of my departure and calms down, that he will offer you my job._

 _Don't do it._

 _Don't even think about it._

 _Leave the Castle._

Allan was normally a man who could take pretty much anything in his stride but this knocked him for six. He would have continued standing there trying to get his head around this new development were it not for Thornton, who reminded him that he was not the only person Gisborne wished to inform of his departure before the Sheriff got wind of it. Allan, to his credit, understood immediately and despite knowing he would not be welcome at the outlaws camp, made his excuses to the guards and took his leave to show Thornton the way.

Marian of Knighton and Robin of Locksley were most surprised to find Thornton and Allan walking in the direction of the camp. Marian had been spying on Allan earlier, as he had discovered the supplies at the food store and she had met with Robin to inform him of this new development. Both were instantly suspicious of the Sheriff's man but the sight of Thornton stopped them from taking any aggressive action - the manservant had known Robin since he was a boy and would never do anything to harm him or Marian.

It was with a strange feeling then, that Robin approached the two men and for a brief moment, he did wonder if their presence there could have something to do with Gisborne; Allan was Gisborne's second and Thornton was Gisborne's servant at Locksley – little did he know just how right was on that score.

* * *

Marian had never felt so close to Guy as she did upon reading his letter.

For there in the letter was the man that she had sometimes caught a glimpse of, the man that she had cared for.

 _I wish we could have met at a different time, in a different place and under different circumstances, perhaps then I could have become a kinder, braver and better man – a man worthy of you._

He didn't know how right he was.

She had always believed it.

 _At least now, I can finally see that with the way things are, it will never happen._

 _The only kindness I can now grant you is the one you asked me for, the one I should have granted you a long time ago – I shall leave you be._

As she read these words, she'd had to turn her back to hide her tears from the others, overwhelmed by her own emotions.

How often had she cursed him? How long had she wished to be free of him?

Now he was gone. He had granted her wish.

She felt terrible.

She had never stopped to consider if her words could hurt him. She had never wondered if her treatment of him could cause him pain. She had never thought that he would think about the man he was or the things that he did.

She felt like curling up into a ball and weeping.

Here he was, on the page - the kind, brave man she had wanted. The man who had always been there but hidden beneath the man he'd had to be to live his life.

 _I now leave this place. You have nothing more to fear from me._

She slowly lowered herself to sit down upon the forest floor. Luckily, the others were too caught up in their own thoughts and feelings on the subject to notice her reaction. She pulled her knees up, hugging them to her chest, and tried to slow her breathing to stop herself from breaking down into tears.

* * *

Robin thought that it had to be a trick.

He had read the note from Gisborne several times but still could not believe it.

His first thoughts were that Gisborne had somehow forced Thornton to get Allan to lead him to the camp - Thornton would be the last person Robin would suspect of doing him harm. Thornton protested loudly, telling Robin that if that was the plan then it had failed for they were not even at the camp – he couldn't give away something he did not know and if he did not learn of the location so long as he lived, so much the better. He then continued by telling Hood that if he did not believe him he could go to Locksley and see for himself for all he cared.

Robin thought that going to Locksley was a part of the trap; he figured that this was what Gisborne wanted him to do – why else would he have mentioned his remaining possessions there? But although these were his feelings, he could still not resist taking Thornton up on the offer.


	30. Chapter 30

XXX

Robin of Locksley, Earl of Huntingdon could be a very stubborn, pig-headed man.

He was however; smart enough to know when he was in the wrong.

He had been arguing with Allan the entire way to Locksley, so sure was he that despite all evidence to the contrary this must be a trap, when in the yard of the Manor house something captured his attention that turned his whole pig-headed notion entirely on its head.

It was the remnants of a small fire - what looked to be the charred remains of a bundle of clothes. As he recognised the clothes in question, it felt as if somebody had punched him hard in the stomach.

 _Guy's leathers._

"It seems he couldn't resist leaving Vaisey a message as well." Marian spoke tonelessly, as if in a trance. Robin was startled at the sound of her voice; he was so lost in his own thoughts that he had forgotten that she was standing beside him. He looked from the ashes to her,

"Now do you understand?"

Yes.

He finally understood.

* * *

Sheriff Vaisey of Nottingham was busy tormenting his birds when it occurred to him that something was wrong.

It was too quiet.

He had been expecting to hear from Gisborne that something had gone wrong because well, nothing ever went according to plan did it? But he had not seen Gisborne all morning. And now it was mid-afternoon and he had still heard nothing.

He began cursing loudly, tightening his grip on the poor creature in his grasp before roughly depositing the whimpering bundle of feathers back in it's cage. He would have to go to Locksley now and sort out whatever it was that had gone wrong.

His first impressions upon arriving in Locksley were that all was going well. The villagers were gone, the mercenaries had arrived and were settled, even the guards were doing their jobs for once; unloading supplies from a cart into a nearby barn.

But, as we all know; first impressions can be deceiving.


	31. Chapter 31

XXXI

Is it not strange dear reader, how the human memory works?

For example, as soon as a person is gone, that person ceases to be and becomes another - the person of our memory.

This is exactly what happened with Guy of Gisborne.

As soon as he had left, Guy of Gisborne – the man, flesh and blood, ceased to be and he became many different Guys – a collection of memories and stories, each memory and story particular to whoever was thinking of him.

Memories also change over time.

It is interesting that for many people their memories of a person seem to soften; their harder edges seem to fade, their faults seem to diminish and their more positive aspects come to the fore.

All this happened with Guy.

And in no one was it more interesting to observe than in the man who had always been his enemy - Robin Hood.

Who knows when exactly this change of memory began to occur, but if one could perhaps pinpoint a moment, it would be the moment that Robin watched Vaisey discover that Guy was gone.

The outlaw life had given Robin Hood many good stories to tell over the years and a great many of them were stories told at the expense of the Sheriff, but the satisfaction felt whilst watching Vaisey discover his Master of Arms had abandoned him, made that particular story one of his favourites. And it was thanks to Guy that he got to experience that.

A further change took place upon returning to the outlaws' camp and surveying all that the others had managed to recover of Guy's possessions from Locksley. That Gisborne had taken pains to leave his possessions to Marian had already secured him a certain respect from Robin but then as he saw what he had left her… Guy had surely taken a fair sum of money with him on his journey to wherever but he had also been most generous in what he had left to Marian. In fact, his possessions came to be of benefit to them all for there was much he had left that was a help to them. One example being that Gisborne had over the years, accrued an impressive collection of weapons. Another was that he had an excellent taste in horses and so Marian found herself recipient of yet another handsome horse - the back up for the horse Guy had ridden off upon and although a horse was not entirely useful for a group of outlaws, the money that such a fine horse would bring certainly was. On top of that, there was all manner of papers, amongst which they found a number of documents that Vaisey would certainly not wish to be in possession of outlaws.

Robin could never say that he thought of the man as a friend, no never that, but over time he did develop a certain sympathy for him and sometimes he found himself thinking almost fondly on their old fights.

Of course, he would never admit to any of this.

But Marian knew.

* * *

Marian's memories of Guy also changed over time.

At first, they were tinged with sadness for she knew that she was part of the reason he had left. Upon seeing all that he had left for her, she could have wept. The ways in which he was reaching out to her; in letting her go, in leaving her be, in leaving her his things, made her heart ache.

She had not loved him and not wanted to marry him but in seeing how much he could give her despite of that, she couldn't help but ask the question what would he have given her if she had loved him and let him love her in return? It was of course not just things/gifts she was thinking of, the ways in which Guy had begun to change in the time she knew him, coupled with the letter he had written to her, made her wonder how would he have been with her? How would they have been together?

Later the sadness faded and her thoughts turned to Mina. Marian even made the trip to Castlebrook for she longed to talk with another person who cared for Guy, to tell her all that she had not been able to tell her back then and to take Mina something of Guy's; knowing how much she would appreciate it. Alas, Mina was not there – she had also moved on and so it was a wasted journey. Despite not having the comfort of a friend who could understand how she felt, Marian did still derive some comfort from Mina - from her words:

 _"I cannot explain to you all that he means to me, that I can explain to no one. All I can say is that I am not sorry, no, I am not sorry for any of it, not one single moment that I spent with him and if that is all I am to have then I am incredibly grateful."_

Marian could now finally say that she knew exactly what she meant.

Lady Marian, Maid Marian, Marian of Knighton, whatever you wish to call her, went on to become Robin Hood's wife, just as it was written in all the stories.

She and Robin were very happy together, fighting for what they believed in, fighting for England.

She never forgot Guy.

She never wanted to forget him either.


	32. Chapter 32

XXXII

Mary Smith was not really one for romantic stories, she was getting on now - no spring chicken anymore thank you very much. Romantic stories of Knights and the like were for young girls with too much time on their hands.

After all, who'd get the washing done if she was busy with all that sort of nonsense?

Still, she supposed she couldn't blame Mina for it really; when it came to romantic stories, Mina's was a pretty good one.

On Mina's suggestion, the two women had left Castlebrook. Mary had not been keen on the idea but Mina's arguments were solid. Mary had been saddened by all that had taken place in Clun and could not deny that when one considered all that the Sheriff had done over the years, it would be unwise not to take the opportunity to leave that had presented itself to them.

Fortunately, Mina had an idea as to where they could go.

That is how they'd ended up in Lemby.

Mina had remembered the name of the village where her mother had grown up; she had always longed to see it based on her father's description of it:

'A pretty village, in a quiet corner of the north east coast, with quaint houses and a beach full of pebbles…'

It was one of those pebbles that her mother had held on to as a keepsake of her childhood.

It was that pebble that was passed on to Mina by her father.

Mina then went on to give that pebble to Guy and then all these years later he'd returned it to her.

Just as Mina had always wanted to return to Castlebrook - the place of her childhood, she had also wanted to visit the place of her mother's childhood. In deciding to leave Castlebrook, she had also decided to go to Lemby.

It proved to be a good choice for she was fortunate to find some people there who had known her mother and they in turn were able to help herself and Mary with lodgings and finding work.

And so it was, that just as Mary Smith thought that things would quieten down in their lives, that her good friend would finally have time to help her with the various jobs they had to do and stop wasting time busying herself with romantic nonsense, that of course Guy of Gisborne showed up.

Mary grinned like a Cheshire cat upon seeing him.

He returned the grin but then couldn't resist a smirk as he said;

"I'm sorry Mary - you'll be getting stuck with all the washing again today."

"I know."


	33. Chapter 33

XXXIII

 _Dear Isabella,_

 _I hope this letter finds you and finds you well._

 _I know it must be a shock to receive word from me after all this time._

 _You should know that as terrible a brother as I have been to you, I have never forgotten you, or what I did to you, for which I am more sorry than I can say._

 _You may recall that all those years ago, I entered the service of Lord Vaisey. I shall spare you the details of that man, all that he has done and made me do in his service but he is the reason that I have never made contact before. I do not know how it is for you in your life or your marriage but I know for certain that any connection to Lord Vaisey would not have made it any better for you._

 _I left his service last year and in doing so broke my oath, which is why this letter has made the journey to you from France – it was not possible for me to remain in England._

 _I did not return to our mother's home or family, I knew better than to expect anything there. No, I live in a village on the northwest coast with my wife. We don't have any land or money as such but we live here happily, peacefully and amongst friends._

 _I hope to return someday to the Gisborne lands but am not sure if it will ever happen._

 _Perhaps someday the time will be right and I can finally claim them._

 _If not I, then my child - for there shall soon be another Gisborne in the world - the lands will hopefully still be there for them._

 _I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me Isabella but I can understand it if you cannot._

 _I shall say a prayer for you and hope that we shall meet again someday._

 _I leave it in God's hands._

 _Guy of Gisborne_


End file.
